me (34m) and my soon to be ex (33f) had the argument where all the niceties and tip toeing around the issue finally stopped and the pain all came out.

Some backstory:

We had been going through a disjointed beginning to 2025 with us both being away and picking up the slack with the kids that created frustration and some usual parental arguments but nothing a few holidays and re baselining couldn't help. However in the lead up to the holidays following a night out my wife was sexually assaulted and came home. I noticed that she got a shower (which was unusual) when she came in and had a bruise on her hip but she explained it away and we want back to being relatively normal but following this point everything went downhill I knew that she was hiding something from me, I presumed that it may be an emotional affair or worse but things were deteriorating rapidly. We started couples therapy but it really didn't help anything. After the holidays I knew I had to bring it to a head and I said that we need to separate as I didn't trust her anymore, at the same time she told me about the assault and that she had just been for an STI check, note we had been intimate throughtout this period leading me to have to go for a test too. I was completely frozen due to the mixture of emotions: fear, sadness for my wife, anger at the danger I had been put in and something deeper than I couldn't quite put my finger on.

This led to us in our current limbo of being seperated but in the same house and it has been horrible with me due to my sense of being a husband trying to ask about staying together only to get rebuffed, even in my gut it felt wrong but I love my kids.

The argument:

Anyway tonight I asked how she framed our breakup to our close friends who knew about the assault and she just framed it as we just drifted apart. I was furious, furious that I had spent time trying to keep this together and furious that there was no care for me in this narrative. I understand that I can't control her narrative but still it just looks like easy come easy go no pain involved.

I possibly wrongly let her have it the realisation of the sense of betrayal and pain that I had came out and the fact she has to be accountable between us for the decision she made to keep this to herself and ultimately lead to the end of our relationship and that she had to face that.

I suppose all it does is give me closure that there is no saving us with her trauma response and my sense of betrayal but I now have no idea how we get back to a civil point. I need to move out and get a flat, I had cared that that would put her at a disadvantage but with tonight and the realisation she doesn't care about me I will only be doing things for the benefit of the kids and that is it