I've told myself so many times that I need to file. I just struggle to pull the trigger. Is it normal? Or could it be a sign that I should try more? I recognize that in this thread answers will probably favor the former.

For backstory sake suffice it to say my wife is emotionally abusive. Not to a crazy extent, but it's definitely there. I don't think she always even realizes it in the moment and has a messed up childhood as the source. She has given lots of threats of divorce, ultimatums, guilt tripping, relentless criticism, frequent accusations of cheating (there isn't any), threats to go for full custody, trying to "reconcile" fights a couple hours after only to do the same thing days later, etc.. She is working on it and it is noticeably better than in previous years, but it often feels like too little too late. Even now it isn't good. Yes we've been in marriage counseling and she's been in personal.

While she's threatened divorce numerous times, she later states she doesn't actually want it. Stupid or not, I believe she doesn't actually want it. Even now, I've told her that this time I want the divorce and she's trying to convince me to stay.

I'm not without fault in our marriage for sure particularly since I tend to avoid/bury conflict. Been working on that and getting better. Had to get up to speed emotionally and draw a lot of boundaries over the last year (basic stuff like if an argument turns into repeated character insults, I stop it AND we resume later). Reliably enforcing them has not been easy, but I guess I just didn't expect going into marriage I'd have to draw and enforce so many boundaries with my spouse.

Been contemplating a few days why I hesitate and here's what I've come up with.

- She is improving, she might get to a healthy place

- I don't want to harm her, myself, or my kid. Especially my kid.

- Fear of the divorce process

- Fear of being alone

What's normal? If you pull the trigger, how long before you finally feel like you made the right call?

TL;DR: How common is it to hesitate to file?