How the hell do I start?

Fyfel · 2022-03-07T22:44:20+00:00

“How the hell do I start?”

Step 1. File for divorce and take that bitch to the cleaners.

Malaine1 · 2022-03-07T22:32:13+00:00

While I don’t have children, please feel free to DM me if you just wanna talk. I’ve been on this subreddit for a while, and there are a lot of genuine folks on here with similar stories. You are not alone in this.

AdultishRaktajino · 2022-03-07T23:00:57+00:00

The only action (or inaction) I regret is not kicking my ex to the curb sooner. We have a decent co-parenting relationship now, and yes she did some nasty underhanded shit during our divorce and separation.

You go dark and interview divorce lawyers, and find one you like. Ideally one who's been recommended by a real person with a real divorce with kids, and not some BS glowing review on Avvo.

Line up your support system, and put away as much money as you can to fund this. Start working on your resume or whatever depending on the type of work you used to do.

You work on yourself. It's not any of the stupid shit she identified as the problem with you after getting caught. What the fuck does she know?

Stay away from alcohol and drugs. Hit the gym or go running or whatever you like to do or want to start doing. I beat the piss out of a punching bag for my therapy.

Don't move out of the house and don't fall for a domestic violence trap. I was baiting into defending myself a couple times but just left it. Cameras are your friend, not for ammunition but for your defense.

If you have firearms, I'd seriously consider getting them out of the house and storing with a very trustworthy friend or family member.

Edit: also prepare for the possibility that you're not the biological father of one of your kids. What that means will vary depending on your state, what your lawyer says, and honestly, how you feel about that.

pegleg_legal · 2022-03-08T01:37:55+00:00

Sun Tzu Says: Let your plans be dark and impenetrable as night, and when you move, fall like a thunderbolt.

Step 1: Realize that you're probably in a really good legal position. Change all your passwords and pin numbers. Find some way to secure a warchest if you don't have one already. Do you have access to finances? If not, can you open a credit card without her and have the bills sent to a P.O. Box?

Step 2: Begin to manage communications with her, but do so gradually. Slow down your responses. Don't let her know what's up. Does she control your movements or monitor you? If you're currently in a conflict, maintain a low level conflict but move towards "making nice".

Step 3: Meet with a few lawyers in your area to get a feel for what you can expect to achieve in the divorce.

Step 4: Get into counseling. Work on separating yourself from her emotionally so you can view things objectively and become your divorce self, rather than your victimized husband self.

Step 5: File and maybe she'll discard you and the kid with a payout. Which would be best case scenario. Not many hard and fast rules here but if there's one, its: If a parent wants to abdicate all responsibility and become a parent of convenience, let them.

Channel your inner woman scorned!

Ridethelightning1987 · 2022-03-08T05:41:38+00:00

Do not give in. She made her bed and gave no fucks and now you do the same

toooldforthisnonsens · 2022-03-08T12:45:11+00:00

She made thousands of active, conscience decisions. Now let her pay the consequences.

Decisions and consequences.

Funny_Wolverine_9 · 2022-03-08T02:19:03+00:00

"She's a traveling consultant and decided to cheat on me with her boss"

OMFG - same here. All these stories are like 90% alike.

You start off by first prioritizing yourself and your health. Focus on your job and your health and NEVER consider taking her back. It's over. Mine falsely accused me of rape so I'm 3 years in and still not over.

sicrm · 2022-03-08T02:20:44+00:00

start with DNA, STD tests, and talk to a lawyer to start working on a game plan for different scenarios.

if you’re still in the house, ask your lawyer what steps you can take to protect yourself while you’re there and make an area of the house your fortress.

if you’re not in the house, ask if you’d be on the hook for abandonment if you don’t move back in.

also look into reading No More Mr. Nice Guy or listening to the audiobook on YouTube. it can help you see what you can do differently when you’re ready to date again (hopefully no time soon).

Title	How the hell do I start?
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	11
Comments	11
Date	March 7, 2022 10:20 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/t917i6/how_the_hell_do_i_start/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/how-the-hell-do-i-start.1210593 https://theredarchive.com/post/1210593

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