We've been married 22 years. I've never been on my own. She's and accountant and I have very bad adhd/memory issues. So, she's managed the money.

I lost my job a year ago. The tech market is shit right now, and she knows it. We have enough to float several more years. Working unskilled jobs wouldn't provide enough to significantly change out financial outlook. So, I've focused on applying, studying, and taking on as much of the house/kid/pet burden as I can.

It's been stressful and depressing. I feel bipolar the way I whip between force of nature and sleeping non stop. Which she hated, of course.

She had an affair a couple of weeks ago. I have the receipts. And clearly still is. She's riding the high of that new couple honeymoon phase, and is trying to get me out of the way as quickly as possible...

I haven't told her because it was our oldest's birthday and we had family from out of town staying. 2 weeks of pretending everything is fine was pretty brutal. But it gave me time to reflect.

I mostly blame myself. I got cocky. Thought our relationship was stronger. Thought she'd show more intense signs before we got to this point. I pushed her to this.

Now I'm not sure what to do with this information. I feel like it's a card up my sleeve in case she gets nasty. But I also hate that part of her zeal is thinking she's getting away with it.

I've tried reconciling, but she is flat out not interested. Annoyed that I'm even trying. Too busy trying to hide her convos and dates with her new boy.

She claims that she hasn't told the kids. But best I can tell they've known for a long time now. And, best I can tell, she was spending that time turning them against me.

I feel like I'm trespassing in my own house. I want to leave. But I don't know if that's wise for a number of reasons. Plus, no income, access to limited funds. I suppose I could do a hotel on cc for a while. But I'd at her mercy in paying that off on time ... fuck how'd I get here.. never again lol.

The only "safe" option I see would mean leaving the kids behind. But I can't do that. I'd rather live in my car first.

I don't have a lawyer yet. She claims she wants a 5050 split, as long as I don't pursue alimony. And ive been hoping to maybe woo her back. We were happy so recently. July. ....

But something doesn't feel right. Maybe I'm being paranoid, but I keep getting the feeling that she's just trying to placate me until she comes in for the kill. So, lawyer is my top priority tomorrow.

Any advice is appreciated.