Is there like a “step by step” (a book, a link, whatever) for divorcing after many years together?

Ok_Smile_60 · 2024-03-28T13:24:34+00:00

We didn’t have separate anything, and money issues, but no kids.

Still was a pain to get everything taken care of, and we still have a few joint accounts still open because 2 months after she left she refused to ever speak to me again in any form

Moms_Sketti88 · 2024-03-28T12:48:24+00:00

I wonder the same thing my man. The untangling itself seems so hard, especially since I pay and have paid 100% of the bills. Add kids to the mix, just makes it seem more daunting. Luckily we have separate accounts and credit cards, but the house, cars, bills, child care, etc seems like a head ache to figure out. Almost like accepting another full time job with nothing but drama as the job duties.

dday_throwaway3 · 2024-03-28T12:34:48+00:00

First thing: You don't talk to her about divorce. You get your gameplan together and execute on it. Think of it like those WW2 posters "Loose lips sink ships". You maintain radio silence.

You need to separate your financial entanglements. You need to have a credit card that only you have access to. You need to deposit your paycheck in a checking account only you have access to. Right before you file for divorce, you freeze any joint credit cards so no additional debt can be accrued. Because I can tell you after working with hundreds of divorcing men, she can and will go out and max out joint credit cards and drain joint accounts.

If your wife isn't working right now, you need to get her back into the job market. With teens, Child Support will be a limited, known duration. But with a 20 year marriage, depending where you live, can mean permanent spousal support to the non-monied spouse (I assume that will be her). Massachusetts is an example of that. So if you're in a location that has insane spousal support expectations, you need to do the cost benefit analysis of relocating somewhere that does not.

AntisocialBehavior · 2024-03-28T01:48:55+00:00

Short answer: lawyer gave me a todo list.

My lawyer and I talked for about 30 minutes and then she gave me a task list with check boxes. I gave the STBX a copy to make sure she was ok with the moves and then we started going down the list.

Essentially, it was separate bank accounts, divide the money, assign bills, transfer car titles or loans, figure out who gets the house/retirement/investments.

We decided she is going to buy me out of the house, we are each keeping our own retirement, and keeping our own debts from before we were married. We are lucky enough to be able to pay off all mutual debt right now.

We will re-engage with our lawyers to negotiate the alimony, child support, house settlement/buyout and formalize a parenting agreement.

Title	Is there like a “step by step” (a book, a link, whatever) for divorcing after many years together?
Author	Relevant_Fuel_9905
Upvotes	11
Comments	8
Date	March 28, 2024 1:18 AM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1bpj079/is_there_like_a_step_by_step_a_book_a_link/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/is-there-like-a-step-by-step-a-book-a-link.1513598 https://theredarchive.com/post/1513598

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