It’s been the hardest decision, by far, that I’ve ever had to make. My wife and I have been together for 24 years, married for 19. No kids. I’ve tried to work on things for years but it never goes anywhere.

There are the obvious, to me, compatibility issues. I’m much more extroverted, have always had a higher libido, and my preference is to do things together, not just sit and watch Netflix every single night. She’s dismissive/avoidant (recently figured this out) and so any suggestion of trying to meet me in the middle, or even efforts to communicate about these various things, feels like an attack to her. And so, nothing ever changes.

I’ve been trying to get her to agree to couples counseling for a couple of years. Finally she agreed around the start of this year. But honestly, it’s just too late. I’m too shut down, checked out, and I truly don’t see us getting to a place where I can actually breath. The years of walking on eggshells took its toll on me. The years of being pushed away and shut out. And the years of occasionally being told I’m being unrealistic to think that we might have a sex life that’s not just a quick PIV once every 3 or 4 months.

She’s just had zero interest in any kind of intimacy, and I’m obviously not a monster and forcing anything on her. At some point, 8 or 10 years ago or so, I stopped initiating. The years of rejection did its thing and tanked me. I was still game whenever she suggested it, until sometime in the last couple of years where I realized I almost dreaded the quarterly exchange.

And now, I’ve realized what I have to do. It’s going to suck, but the bandaid needs to get ripped off. I need to move on and begin rebuilding myself. My identity. Find things I enjoy doing, some new people to spend time with, some new routines. It’s honestly very scary. But it’s what I have to do. Staying in the marriage another 20+ years is monumentally scarier than what I have to do now.

TL;DR: deciding to ask for a divorce after years of mismatches and zero willingness from my wife to communicate and work on our marriage