I'll start off by saying that I know I'll receive some biased responses here, but just looking for some input/feedback on this situation.

STBXW and I were together for 8 years, married for 2. She cheated on me and moved out back in November. She had struggled previously with wanting to seek attention from other people, which I knew about, and actually flirting with/having emotional affairs with guys behind my back, which I didn't know about. While discussing things, she brought up something from a few years ago that is really eating at me.

She was "Sexually Assaulted" back around 2019; we were together about 4 years at that point. I put that in quotes because while I don't exactly distrust her that she didn't consent to it, everything that I know now definitely gives me pause.

Here's the kicker: she didn't tell me about it until about a year or two after it happened. When she told me, she said she had thought she had made a mistake (apparently the guy had gotten her really drunk and was telling her she should be lucky to be able to be with him), until she brought it up with her therapist who informed her she was assaulted, and that's when she felt comfortable telling me.

I was obviously in shock, upset that that had happened to her, but also uneasy about the whole thing. I asked her what led up to it and if she had contributed to it, with the explicit notion that I wasn't blaming her but trying to figure out exactly what happened. I also told her that while I was glad she told me, it made me feel uneasy that she kept it from me because she thought she made a mistake until her therapist told her otherwise, and that my trust felt damaged because what if she did make a mistake in the future, since I knew she was already ok with hiding it from me. Turns out she did make more mistakes and hid them from me until I found out, so I wasn't wrong to feel that way.

Anyway, she has now turned it into me blaming her for it happening, and that I never expressed any emotion towards what she went through and that it was all about me (which is somewhat difficult not to do when she's had time to process it and come to terms with it, and I get hit with it years after).

So just looking for some perspective on this. I feel pretty confident that my reaction wasn't unreasonable given the circumstances, but I'm looking for some outside input on it.