met in '94. married in '99. 2 kids, 1 launched and 1 in high school. separated december '21 and she called it 100% quits in june '22

in may '22 i was about to move back in (i lived back at home most weekends for 6 months)....when i found out about her secret divorced guy best friend at work (she claims platonic but it was an EA at least and she wasn't willing to discuss or be open about him or anything else)

i had to do everything to move this process along (even though i might still try to fix things if she had any willingness at all)

next monday, about 8 months after signing a collaborative agreement, we are finally going to hopefully reach a settlement

all of us in person. me, her, 2 attorneys, a financial intermediary and our useless divorce 'coach' (because after all, god dammit, it's a team sport)

i made slightly more for the first 10 or so years of marriage. she made about 30% more than me for the last 10 years of the marriage. since separation i was laid off from the best job i ever had and had the most recent company shut down on me. currently unemployed.

she's around $140K now. they're imputing my income around $50k because that's about what looks available if i bite the bullet and try to get a state job or a desk job vs continuing my mediocre mortgage career.

her first offer was insulting. i've countered at closer to what i think is what i'd get if the genders were reversed but the facts the same.

so if we meet on my side of the middle i guess i'm ok with it. our state has no firm guidelines. i'm going to some ongoing support. we're splitting a decent nest egg. but very concerned about burning through it on the way to whatever retirement i'm ever able to have.

financial person told me stbx 'is worried about being able to retire'. lol. yeah. me, too, bitch. smh.

wish i didn't have to sit in a room with her. unless it was her being willing to have a real conversation where she gives me answers and understanding beyond 'i don't remember (that happening, saying that, why i did that, etc).

maybe we settle this thing in a week. maybe it gets filed with the courts before the end of march.

maybe i'm 100% done with the process by june.

maybe i can move on to have any kind of life at all.

maybe

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