Mediation

No_Pace2396 · 2024-10-01T02:41:36+00:00

Two types of mediation:

Amicable mediation (collaborative divorce) where you sit down with a mediator, maybe a financial planner, coparenting coordinator, and lawyer. They analyze your financies and make a recommendation based on what they "think the court will decide." Divide things up, lawyer writes an order. Pay a flat fee.

Lawyer/court-order mediation where you hire lawyers to put on a show for a "mediator" and after fighting for hours you end up dividing things up, maybe fairly, maybe under pressure.

If you are amicable and nobody is looking for keeping it out of court so they can gain advantage, the first one is the way to go.

Tried both, but in a high-conflict divorce. My ex asked me to get out of court and go to mediation. Then underreported/didn't report some of her assets and didn't see custody working out the way she wanted. When I pushed back (I know how much you have in your 401k) and asked for weekly meetings with the coparenting coordinator, she pulled out of mediation. We still paid the flat fee and got nothing from it. In the end her strategy still worked--going thru the court she's wrangled a little more custody. Financially it is pretty much as it always will be, and she won't be penalized for the assets she tried to hide (not that I think the court would have done anything anyway).

Hope it works out for you. I'm sure you'll be fair, maybe she will be too. Keep in mind the mediators (and the judge) are there to settle the divorce, not to be fair. You'll get pressured to accept or give in.

techrmd3 · 2024-10-01T00:06:31+00:00

ummm why are you going to a mediator?

IF you both file a joint petition for divorce and you agree to everything, (oh and the child support is within state law) then this should not need mediation

mediation is to MEDIATE any disagreements, there should be NONE if you only have Debts...

Mediation, Arbitration is for people who have actually Assets like CASH MONEY to argue about ... not for people who are broke.

agree with soon to be ex wifey on everything and get the divorce done (within reason) if she wont be reasonable just file for divorce on your onesie and progress the divorce as a normal contested divorce that THEN may end up in Mediation prior to a Final expensive trial.

captainchippsixx · 2024-09-30T21:34:01+00:00

Sounds like you are on the hook for child support and alimony. Just remember you have to taxes and she does not.

Steer the $$$ amounts to a monthly amount. Mine tired to get Part of every paycheck and I said hell no. Be careful on the life insurance clause and don’t let her off the hook on it on her end.

How is she going to help with college? Don’t be surprised if she tries to saddle you with all the extra expenses on top of the medical and dental.

I advise writing a budget for you living somewhere else and you must account for one time expenses that come up every month.

Slowloris81 · 2024-09-30T20:00:56+00:00

Mediation is a wonderful way to hopefully resolve things amicably without expending a ton in legal fees but each of you should have your own lawyer to ensure that the agreement you reach is fair and consistent with your objectives.

Mattythrowaway85 · 2024-09-30T19:44:03+00:00

This is going to be very bad for you. I saw someone else post recently that you need to get her working full time right now. If not, I can assure you it will only go bad for you. The court will def stick you with the debt and alimony and child support. Be prepared to pay for two households because if she's not doing this, that's exactly what you'll be doing.

OctinoxateAndZinc · 2024-09-30T19:40:44+00:00

I should add that I am the breadwinner and pay nearly all the bills.

She needs to be working a full time job now so WHEN the supports are calculated you're not paying out the wazoo because shes not working/not full time.

Mediation will work as well as long as you both agree on everything. Once either of you are not amiable to something and unwilling to bend, its gonna fall apart.

If you're level headed and willing to accept what the calculations say (i.e. spousal support and child support) it can work. HOWEVER if she asks for more - Say she says shes not working full time and wants support but you want her to get a 40hr week job, well then it could fall apart.

You SHOULD consult an attorney on your own. She does not need to know. Many consults are free. You can also pay in cash to keep it off radar if they charge.

its all up to be split - assets and debts. Assets include your retirements so if you've been the only one contributing to a 401k/IRA that will be split.

Title	Mediation
Author	Rich-Instruction-583
Upvotes	8
Comments	7
Date	September 30, 2024 7:31 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1ft4bv2/mediation/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/mediation.1531790 https://theredarchive.com/post/1531790

Comments