Moving on

Reflog1791 · 2023-07-05T00:30:27+00:00

I hear ya brother. The madness has to stop eventually. If you go down this route many will judge you and your ex will certainly slander you. People who would judge you don’t have to walk a mile in your shoes.

At a minimum your court papers should be organized for long term safe keeping.

I think there is a great chance the parenting schedule will change in the next decade.

If I were you I would disengage for now, start your new life, reframe it from “I lost this unfair court battle” to “I don’t get to see my kid as much as I would like for now.”

Do something on a periodic basis to show your kid that you made a good faith effort to be in their life. A standard email to the “mother” asking for increased visitation sent once every three months or something.

There will come a time when your kid gets older where you get a chance to explain yourself. You’ll want to be able to stand tall when that conversation takes place.

grandpaharoldbarnes · 2023-07-05T00:24:51+00:00

What gets me is that you’re really no different than a woman who gives up a child for adoption. Men don’t have that option.

justme4556 · 2023-07-05T03:14:15+00:00

Its not a popular opinion but I chose to be a absentee father. I refused to put my kids through a long court battle that I know I was likely to loose. I ended up getting unlimited visitation as long 30 days notice was given and school was affected. Family functions could not cause a conflict. Holidays where split 50/50 and I could choose to visit during mine if I choose. And was able to video chat whenever as long as I have a couple hours notice. Paid my child support and will say the only mistake I made was I got back with her.
My secret was I would not authorize her to go out of state with the kids unless she agreed to those terms. No judge and she accepted the terms. I hit quick and ruthless. She moved back to her home state. My kids always smiled when I visited and video chatted. They always had their presents on time. Now their older I am hoping for a similar agreement again. This time I will not get back with her. Best of luck.

Least_Attorney9006 · 2023-07-05T01:03:40+00:00

I’m in the same boat as the original poster.

I’ve been fighting for three years, spent over $250k and am realizing that I’m probably going to get every other weekend with them and two dinners a week.

Simply put, Im beginning to feel like I have to accept that I lost my case. My ex lied and cheated, and frankly perjured herself, but the court didn’t care. It was her word against mine and even when I could prove she was lying, they still took hers.

I guess I’m trying to figure out when to see the writing on the wall and just fold?

My only solace is that custody is amendable in two years. I’m hoping I can get a fresh start then (I’m in Illinois). I hope the original poster can do that too. It shouldn’t be ten years, hopefully I can do it sooner.

potatotornado44 · 2023-07-05T00:23:40+00:00

Got to make the best of what you got brother.

My job schedule doesn’t allow me to have 50-50 either.

I know you’re angry right now, I was too.

But the family courts do believe that it is in the best interest of the child to have a relationship with both of their parents.

Don’t fight her over petty shit, just get a good parenting agreement written. If she takes all the money, well whatever, can make more money.

Don’t give up the fight to be able to have a relationship with your kids.

You’re not gonna get that time back, and your relationship with your kids will carry on decades after they’ve turned 18.

This is the long game.

Focus on that

I_got_BAnaNaS · 2023-07-06T03:59:24+00:00

I’ve met at least 100 fathers who have relocated and are minimally in their kids’ lives. Most didn’t do it because they don’t care about their kids. They cut their losses. Our system is fucked up. I’m sorry you’re in the position you’re in. Good luck.

Title	Moving on
Author	ApolloRevived
Upvotes	10
Comments	8
Date	July 4, 2023 11:01 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/14qtoxh/moving_on/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/moving-on.1224317 https://theredarchive.com/post/1224317

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