Have been through the ringer, false protection order, coached dcyf case (unfounded but with "concerns), months of no phone calls, finaly a court order for phone calls, then covid hit, my parents dropped off as supervisors, didnt see kids for a month, got another court order for my family members girlfriend to be a supervisor, had several day visits and hiking trips, she was condescending and disrespectful to me several times, I stayed calm and tried to ignore her, today was the first overnight we got the soon to be ex to agree to, the supervisor was testy with me a bit when my kids went inside and I didnt immediately follow them because I though they were just getting a drink, I ignored again, then my child fell off the scooter right in front of me, the scooter whacked her ankle, she was screaming about her knee then her ankle, I tried to calm everyone down and wait for a while to see if she was improving, the supervisor started a yelling confrontation with me, I told her off and to go take a walk, she did but then charged up the stairs to start with me again because I said "yeah your so much better than me huh" I felt disrespected like my ex used to treat me, like a lesser parent, after an hour the pain was not subsided, I told her I am making the decision to take her to the hospital for an x-ray, she again got loud and confrontational saying I am not allowed to be alone with my child, I said then go with me, she chose to call my ex, instead of meeting my ex at the hospital she told her I was being difficult and calling her names, I never did I simply said I am her parent not you I will take her to the hospital, my ex called the police for a wellness check, I told them the story they left as it was clearly not an issue and waited an additional 10 minutes for her to call my ex and setup a meet for her to take her to the hospital, she loaded my other kid in the car too because I think shes taking them home and my Hope's for a visit overnight are ruined, now my supervisor hates me my kids are upset and crying because they know they will probably be going home, my ex won't respond to emails about my child condition and is more Interested in calling the police for ammo in this than caring for our child, I likely wont see my kids for months again, and I hate my life, I was depressed before and talking to a counselor, now I'm not sure if there is anything to live for and I'm about to be homeless because the supervisor I'm pretty sure is a BPD lunatic and now hates me for challenging her control, she is very manipulative and passive aggressive, I said some things I probably shouldnt have but ended the fight by not engaging and telling her to be quiet and stop escalating things, at least I kept my composure mostly but my heart hurts because my kids have done nothing to deserve this and now my daughter was and will blame herself for this situation, I told her repeatedly it's not her fault, its mine and that makes me even more hopeless

Please tell me it will get better, I have a feeling it never will and I'm doomed to be destroyed in every way by my ex and the people who claim to be my support and friends are really not, only thing I'm living for is my kids, and I cant even imagine how I'm going to see them again in the future because of the events tonight, my own brother said if I dont respect the lunatic he insinuated I'm no longer welcome, he only sees that Im "confrontational" not understanding that I've been completely disenfranchised as a parent and I'm not willing to be condescended by a BPD lunatic or a NPD ex wife ever again, I'm not going to do it, it causes me too much pain to passively accept it, yet trying to stand up for myself turns everyone against me

Can it ever get better? Is it even worth it? I feel like failure as a father and even as a human being

I don't think I can deal with this much longer, I need a break and something to go my way, even my attorney seems to think I am going to pay my wife child support when she makes double what I make, the state law is fairly straight forward, the higher earning parent pays the lesser earning parent, but everyone seems to think I'm just here to be extorted and no one seems to care about my kids except me, yet I want to give up and just disappear into the mountains, I think it's likely I won't be able to see them for a month or more now, maybe even until the divorce is final, why does this have to hurt so bad? Is god punishing me? Is it going to continue to get worse? Why am I such a fuck up? I hate myself