Hello all, I haven’t posted in a while — honestly because I’m not much of a social media person — but I felt like I needed to get this out somewhere. Some of you know about my upcoming divorce and everything that has been going on. It’s uncontested, and our mediation is the day after tomorrow. I’m still living in the house, just in a separate bedroom. On the surface, things between us are amicable, but underneath that… it’s a whirlwind.

What’s been really messing with my head is the mixed signals I feel like I’m getting. When I talk about future plans that don’t include her, something shifts. It’s almost like she gets uncomfortable, and it sends me into a spinning mess of emotions. My hope through all of this has been to remain good friends, but as we get closer to Thursday, I feel everything piling up — confusion, anxiety, sadness, and honestly, fear. We’ve been married 31 years. That kind of history doesn’t just fall away.

There are moments where I question everything and wonder if I should back out and stay. Part of me wants the comfort of what’s familiar. But deep down, I know that staying would only delay the pain. We’d settle back into old patterns, and I’d be right back where I started — stuck, hurting, and pretending things are okay.

I’m not really looking for answers. I just needed to say this out loud to someone. If you’ve read all of this, thank you. It probably sounds messy and emotional… but honestly, that’s exactly where my heart is right now.