Sorry so long. Hi. Been married 21 years, together 24 years. She is 9 years younger. I'm 53 now. I was her first sexually. 5 years ago I had an online affair with a woman I can't even remember name. It was all sexual three times. Wife found out. We stuck it out but obviously her trust of me was gone and she struggled and still does. Fast forward to three months ago. We have drifted apart. Separate rooms was intended for her better sleep as she gets up early. It made things worse. She started to reflect her life and what she was lacking from me. Emotional support, compliments, etc etc. All legit although it went both ways. We were never great communicators. We are stubborn and instead of talking or even fighting, we simply avoid. Not good. I had noticed little signs here and there that reminded me of my cheating. hiding phone, turning off Location, etc. A few weeks ago I finally stopped her and said we need to talk. Initially it wasn't about my fear of her having an affair. She truly is not the type of person to have a physical affair and I believed that. Anyways, the conversation was more about us and is this it? I asked her. Are we done? To my surprise she pretty much said yes. That she has been envisioning her life and wants to do better and is so unhappy. This was devastating to me cuz I wasn't expecting it. Although I was expecting it. Makes sense? You would have to really know my past to know how devastating this was to me. She literally saved my life 24 years ago. Alcoholic, etc. I had been lost my entire life until I met her. At like 20 years she did not run away but rather bought an AA book to learn about my disease. She only saw me drunk once when I was courting her. Been sober 23 years.i know I know and yet I still cheated on her. I get it. I'm a pig. That saying once a cheater always a cheater it's not the case for me. I never did anything like that again. Anyways, I convinced her to get marriage counseling to see if we could rekindle what we once had. She hesitantly agreed as I think she's already moved on and maybe is doing this for me. During the last week or so. I can front ed her again on my fear that she was cheating. Turns out she did have a close friend that she met at the gym. Of course who she is gotten closer and closer with. And he was the one that was sending her messages through linkedin of all places and talking and complimenting her etc. They met outside of work one time at a park to discuss their lives. I truly believe she wasn't physical with him because that's not who she is. Sex is very very very emotional to her. But she came clean with me and said she has feelings for him. She cared for him. But that they were truly just friends and had grown close. Weird it's not even her type of who shea attracted too. When I told her i needed to knownwhomit was she eventually would tell me. Other then them chatting at the gym from time to time i never would have guessed him. I asked her if we were willing to work this out and she said sure and that she would tell him that they could no longer speak outside the gym and only a hello. Again she emphasized that although she was starting to get feelings for him they have been friends for two year until just the last few months. I do believe her, crazy? I do know who this guy is as we go to the same gym but I'm not close to him at all. Which actually made me feel better cuz I'm kind of went crazy. Anyways, she won't be intimate with me. I don't think she's attracted to me anymore just because of everything that's happened and how we've drifted apart. I truly don't know if counseling's going to work. I think she has made a decision that she's ready for something else. She says it's not even about him at all 100%. It's about being alone and doing what she wanted to do and helping others. I feel lost. I actually feel weak which is tough for me. I'm the one that's crying. I'm the one that's hurting and she seems fine. I guess I'm just looking for ways to move on. Cuz even though we're going to start counseling I just don't think it's going to work. I don't think that spark could ever come back. Frankly, we waited too long to start trying. Which is both our faults. I've made mistakes over the course of my marriage but I've always been a really good father and husband minus the online cheating. It's crazy as I found out that she was kind of having an emotional affair. I realized how much this hurts and how much I hurt her trust thoughts, etc. I'm currently traveling for work and we have been talking a lot over the phone saying I love you etc. I asked her if she wanted to go away for a couple days to Arizona. I could swing it cuz of work. This is about a month away. And she said that she would like to but she didn't want to have any expectation of being intimate. I was like it's a month away. I assumed we would be intimate even before then 🙂 so although we were making strides I feel like we took a huge step back and I just don't think she's going to be able to fall for me again. I guess I'm just looking for some advice as I'm broken. do I keep fighting, do I move on, how do I try to forget the past. The thought of her being happy makes me happy yet the thought of her with somebody else kills me. And again you have to understand her. I don't think her intent is to be with somebody else. Not even the guy that she was speaking to. I think he was just there for her. Help please.