Recent developments, found love

dday_throwaway3 · 2021-06-10T01:30:18+00:00

By jumping into the deep end of the pool, you’re blind to your own vulnerability to predators because of your emotional unreadiness. After divorce, you have more emotional baggage than a 747. Any woman who would overlook that is paying a fortune in extra baggage charges herself.

You have never been more vulnerable than you are today. Predators thrive on desperation, and the stench of rebounding from a long-term relationship makes you an easy target. You are easily manipulated by her affection, while she sees you as an answer to her financial problems.

The story starts with her cute smile, laughing at your jokes, liking the same things you do, and demonstrating compassion for your situation. Most men are so starved for validation post-divorce, they are one blowjob away from clearing out closet space for a woman. The dopamine fix will overwhelm any good sense you have. Once entangled you will tolerate whatever demands she makes of you. After all, you suffered through your marriage for a long time. What you don’t understand is that women can achieve a level of indifference that’s foreign to most men’s idealistic concept of love.

But a woman who will have sex and doesn’t seem crazy must be a keeper! No, it just means your people picker isn’t calibrated properly yet. Your ex was not an anomaly. You ignored red flags and paid the price. Reevaluate your decision making process. For starters, read Briffault’s Law to realize you didn’t pick her, she picked you. If you don’t recognize the red flag when she tells you “I’m not like other women.”, then you need more time, distance and shielding to process divorce. Statistically, men move on to their next partner too fast. The likelihood of divorce in a second marriage is 67% and 74% for third marriages. And just because you’re familiar with the divorce process, it doesn’t get easier. It’ll be worse next time.

You need time to heal. Divorce messes you up mentally, even if you're the initiator. Before a predator brings you to your knees, figure out who you are. Psychologically there’s a lot to unpack, especially if your ex was gaslighting you. You need to get comfortable inside your own head before you think about initiating spousal replacement therapy.

Signs you are not finished with your post-divorce reconstruction:

You fear being alone.

You seek validation from a partner.

You’re still renting headspace to your ex.

When you no longer need to clutch onto a relationship, and you have your best self to offer, that’s how you know you’re ready.

Funny_Wolverine_9 · 2021-06-10T01:54:43+00:00

Jumping into another relationship so soon will end you up in the same place as your wife. Of course things are easy in the beginning. I hope you pull your head out of your ass and see your missteps. /r/mgtow

BoredOrhu · 2021-06-10T03:51:44+00:00

But let me ask you this question.

What would you do in my case?

Some 8 - 6 months ago, she said it first and a month later I said it, we are our best friends.

And this happens.

She has secretly loved me for over a year now. And you realise that you have loved her as well, for over 9 moths. And at this time you don't realise that she's got feelings for you.

So, would you turn away from asking her feelings, as you have shared caring feelings with her all this time? She knows what I'm going through and I know what she's going through. So, we we're there to listen to each other.

This is just one example of what she's like.

She was the one I called after this. When I and my wife had told our children about the ongoing divorce. By the way, I felt like a total asshole then and there.

And she accepted my phone call and just listened to me being angry. She was just there for me.

So, I'm my opinion, love found us and we're just coping with the situations.

BoredOrhu · 2021-06-10T02:05:37+00:00

I don't think you read this throughout correctly. You're being a bit hostile here and anger usually blocks away from your concentration.

I mean that I know my bus passangers don't listen and don't remember what we as bus drivers tell them.

So, could you please do me a favour and go read it again, but a little more thought to it?

I'm already 49 years old dad who is buying an old house 2 km away from the mom's house. I ain't exactly a catch. So, she just might see something in me?

BoredOrhu · 2021-06-10T02:14:58+00:00

And you don't need to know this, but I'm telling you anyway.. She's in the middle of her own divorce

Title	Recent developments, found love
Author	BoredOrhu
Upvotes	0
Comments	13
Date	June 10, 2021 1:23 AM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/nwbljo/recent_developments_found_love/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/recent-developments-found-love.816783 https://theredarchive.com/post/816783

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