My stbxw filed the day after Easter. I wanted to worn on things and go to counseling, she chose to file and since I hear her up on the phone at 4 am pleading how she completely devoted herself to the person on the other end (pretty sure it’s another woman.). We have two daughters, 7 and 4. We haven’t talked to them about everything yet because there is no separation agreement in place and my stbx is dragging her feet and waffling on whether or not she will agree to 50-50 custody (I will agree to nothing less.). Our 4 year old is fairly oblivious to what’s going on but the 7 year old is noticing things. Twice she has asked if I am coming to things with my in-laws and has made comments like “but you always come” when I tell her I “have stuff to do”. When I showed her the locket I got them to give their mother for Mothers Day, she was curious why I wasn’t in any of the pictures then said “but you love mommy, right?” I said yes and held my tongue from saying mommy apparently doesn’t love me.

I feel like I am getting the brunt of our oldest daughter’s emotions, particularly frustration and anger. Obviously, I don’t blame her, she’s 7 and doesn’t have a grasp on what’s going on. I want to just scream “wait til you see what mommy has coming for you” every time she lashes out at me though. My heart is shattered for my girls and I know that at this stage my wife will not take accountability for her decision and we will have to basically own it together in the girls eyes. I believe they will understand when they are older but damn this hurts right now.

I’ve been grappling a lot with the eventual talk we will have to have with them. I really want to tell them something like “mommy thinks this will be best for everyone,” as I have no desire to take any ownership of her decision to blow the family up rather than work to keep it together. I guess this is more of a vent than anything but would love some perspectives from anyone who’s been through a similar situation.