My STBXW filed about a month ago (the day after Easter). Despite stating an intention for an amicable split in the letter from her lawyer, she has been nothing miserable since. She initially postured for sole physical custody with visitation of our two daughters (4 and 7) for me and has refused to be forthcoming on finances, which she primarily handled for our family.

Well, luckily I hired myself a good lawyer who isn’t afraid of a litigation. Rather than beat around the bush, she stated that I preferred sole custody for myself but would settle for nothing less than 50-50 (which is what I would really like as I believe it is what’s best for the kids) and pushed ahead with scheduling a preliminary conference. Net worth statements were exchanged and a preliminary conference is on the books in the next two weeks. Lo and behold, my wife communicated through her lawyer that she is “coming around” to 50-50 custody and would like to have a meeting with our lawyers. She’s folding like a cheap suit as she hired a negotiator and I hired a litigator.

While I am happy with the progress in terms of the ultimate outcome, there are still some pretty awful aspects. I have not felt dread of anything like I am feeling when I think about talking to the girls. Our oldest is perceptive and picking up on some things but that conversation is going to be hell on earth. I never wanted a divorce. I wanted to work on things and, you know, honor our vows. The girls were a big motivation for me in all this. Now I have to sit down, explain that they will be splitting time between two homes and won’t have both parents in their lives on a daily basis. The thought of that breaks my heart for my daughters and I’m going to have to look them in the eyes, try to explain why it’s happening, and tell them it’s going to be ok. Woof.

I’ve also started grieving the relationship a bit. My wife had an emotional affair with another woman. Up all night on the phone (5, 6 am minimum) and some weekend nights away. Took off in the middle of the night to drive to this woman’s house on one occasion. She insists it’s just her best friend and that I’m crazy for suggesting it has something to do with the divorce but last night she was on the phone at 4 am in our silent house explaining to this “friend” how she had completely devoted herself to their relationship. I know I’m not divorcing the same woman I married, but that still means I lost that original person and that hurts.

I can’t wait for all this to be sorted out and in my own place with at least 50-50 custody of my girls so I can start rebuilding and giving them the best life I can.