Separation

TheWallGoingUp · 2026-03-26T04:29:48+00:00

The last thing a woman wants is a vulnerable man with needs, lol. She'll be the laughing stock of her family and friends.

Gullible_Airline_241 · 2026-03-25T22:22:09+00:00

Much like you, I have been struggling with those same feelings of self-blame and guilt. What has been helping me is understanding that relationships are a two way street. Like you, I did many things wrong—self abandonment, avoidance, catering to her every whim while ignoring and not respecting my own needs and boundaries. But what caused me to act that way was feeling alone in the relationship and my bids for affection being dismissed by her. Communication takes both of you, so it can never be one person’s sole fault.

We let ourselves grow small in our marriage by conforming to their every desire—because happy wife, happy life, right? How naive we were! Let’s learn this lesson to not abandon ourselves in the future and move onto the next chapter with courage and compassion for ourselves.

TimeCycle3000 · 2026-03-25T00:25:32+00:00

Not knowing anything about your relationship, I just want to say someone else saying you don’t communicate well doesn’t mean you are the problem.

Her, too, man.

I recently told my wife we’re going to get divorced. She’s made the same accusations about me. And sure I could have been better but I’m just fed up with it all. Yelling and screaming is not a communication method, and that’s been her approach. So I’m done.

dday_throwaway3 · 2026-03-24T15:47:01+00:00

I don't know what "separation" means to you, but do not move out of the marital residence before divorce is final. Moving out before then is one of the worst mistakes you can make. Here's why: https://www.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1c1u1g6/fundamentals_do_not_move_out/

You need your own attorney for divorce, because you and your wife can't share one. Here's why you need an attorney and how to find one in your area: https://www.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1c2n16i/fundamentals_you_need_a_family_law_attorney/

Stop placing the burden of your marriage just on your shoulders. Your wife is gaslighting you if you think it's all your fault. We get it. Every man seeks to understand the forces that drew him into the downward spiral of his marriage. You are in the middle of an internal civil war between your intellect and emotions. You assume you're the cause of the marriage falling apart even if you felt like you did your best. You’ve spent years subjugating your emotions to your ideals and it’s undermined your resolve to leave. You have to sort through an immense, convoluted mixture of traditional and conventional notions about relationships, sexuality, and how you treat the people close to you. For reasons so subtle that they almost defy explanation, you’re seeking permission to dump her and walk away. Intellectually you know this is crazy but your emotions are fighting you.

Wonderful_Ad8256 · 2026-03-24T15:02:50+00:00

I am in the same situation, been separated 3 months and it is hard, it is so so hard!

But work on yourself. Go to the gym, reach out to friends you haven't seen in a while, join a running club, get out of the house. Get a hobby.

Don't chase! Don't do what I did and beg for her to come back. Let her walk, she will probably come back.

Research being a stoic man, be strong, have a purpose.

And don't be afraid of being on your own. Embrace it.

I put her first and didn't ask for anything back and didn't get anything back. Put you first.

WhydIJoinRedditAgain · 2026-03-24T14:48:14+00:00

I blamed myself so much when my wife asked for a separation. I looked only at myself and my actions and how I couldn’t control the outcome. I felt like a huge failure.

Having been separated now for a few months (still living together, fucking shoot me) and having done a lot of work on myself, doing therapy, doing structured analysis of the marriage, I realize I am not totally to blame.

Basically, I have come to the conclusion that if my wife had been the least bit flexible, not actively hid her problems, and was willing to address a lot of behaviors that come from her ADHD and hoarding, we’d be able to work through it. But she’s not. And it’s intolerable for me.

I would encourage you to take a hard look at yourself, do some therapy, find some resources for an actual program of self-evaluation and goal setting. Once you’ve done that, two things will become clear: 1) there are absolutely some behaviors you’ve had that were harmful to you marriage and that you need to address, and 2) it takes two people to fail in a marriage and it isn’t completely your fault (and perhaps one of the behaviors in part 1 is accepting behavior from her you shouldn’t have, which made you react poorly).

Title	Separation
Author	theblair8
Upvotes	3
Comments	12
Date	March 24, 2026 2:35 PM UTC (4 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1s2fjdg/separation/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/separation.1576300 https://theredarchive.com/post/1576300

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