See post history for context. Mostly just a rant.

I am so sick of every solution being offered to me being based around helping me deal with my feelings and accept what boils down to the legal kidnapping of my children. I see a therapist weekly. I see a psychiatrist monthly. I’m in the early stages of TMS treatment for depression.

None of that will get my kids back. None of it will add a single day to my visitation. None of it will help me in the slightest move to Hawaii to be with them. All of the good advice is to not move there. I’m very aware that’s the smart thing. But if I move there, that would prove to the court that I’m the responsible parent. In 2 years when her new husband gets reassigned, and she tries to move them with her, I would be right there. With a stable life for them. Saying that I gave up everything to be with my kids when the court assumed I didn’t care for them. I would win that. I would have to. No court would be able to see it any other way.

She’s completely out of her mind, but very good at hiding it. She met this guy 6 weeks before their zoom wedding. She had his name tattooed on her 2 weeks after first swiping right on him. This was, by the way, her first ever tattoo. At 43. How is any of that rational to a court to give them the kids? I’ve been in a solid relationship for 3 years. Happy. No issues. I’ll never get married again, my girlfriend knows that and is perfectly fine with it after being married and divorced herself. Yet the court ruled that the couple month long married relationship is more stable than the years long living together relationship. This is obscene. It’s wrong. I’ve never considered ending myself, only because I could never leave my kids alone on this planet with their psychotic and narcissistic mother.

According to absolutely everyone who tried to comfort me, this marriage should have already been over. But they don’t know her like I do. We spent 6 months in court battles. She can’t let this marriage fail. She’d let him beat the shit out of her, just to make sure people didn’t find out that she made a mistake. She will dig her heels in and pretend she’s happy for the next 6 years, until our youngest is 18.

I really have no choice. I have to move there. Now I just have to figure out how.