Hello everyone, I need some advice.

Tldr: relationship has fizzled completely out and we have been doing couples counciling for 4 months with zero improvement. Life just goes chugs on with nothing good but also nothing bad enough to say "yup that's it"....how do I get over the guilt of calling it quits when there was nothing recent that crossed boundaries but also no joy?

Longer version: My marriage has been pretty bad for years. My wife lacks empathy, is controlling, has violent outbursts, never apologizes or admits wrong doing, and threatens me with all sorts of things if she doesn't get her way. I have in to her for years in hopes I could keep her in her "happy state" but it is impossible.

Over the last year I have grown personally and come to realize that not only am I wasting my life trying to appease this woman who gives me no joy but she is also damaging the kids. I announcement my desire to divorce her when I had a terrible father's day.

She convinced me to do couples counseling for a few months while we get the house ready for sale. (Since neither of us can afford the house on our individual salaries). It didn't take long for her to ignore the list of things to do and focus on other time filler events so it would just extend time.

Additionally in counciling she would be quick to jump on any fault that I would openly admit to and deflect any hint of problems with her.

The whole time she has been either leaving me alone or pushing me to do things that I would like as if my personal happiness is the only problem in our relationship.

Do don't have any joyful times in the last months when we are "working on it".....and more often than not she sours moods or makes some kind of comment that isn't outright mean but takes the wind out of people's sails.

I'm just tired of waiting for her to change and I want to tell her that but I feel guilty as if I'm rushing into a decision or discounting the miniscule changes she has made in the last many months (mostly refraining from insulting me or micro managing)

Does anybody have any advice or have gone through a similar situation?