I've read the alimony threads here so I can guess how this is going to be received by those of you who are paying. My ex makes a fuck ton more than me, has ran up her expenses to play the "Imma poor hard working single mom who's bringing home the bacon and raising kids and my deadbeat husband abandoned me" card. Not the full time SAHD putting dinner on the table every night who also worked the whole time. I've taken on debt to pay my lawyer and living on the outskirts of town. I'm still paying child support and don't see my kids, so yeah, I'm still getting fucked.

Ex is insistent on trial. I have a decent job but when all is said and done her financial picture is going to be fine, so is my lawyer's. Me, not so much. I'm making it, but lawyer says I "should" get alimony. I say should because he doesn't say "will" and the way I've seen family court go it might as well be momma's court. When ex locked me out, I downsized my lifestyle, upped my income (lawyer says that was a dumb move, working extra), and bought what I had to replace, then cut my expenses. Now a year later I can get by with ignoring the engine light on my 12 year old car, not saving for retirement, no vacations, nothing my ex is doing for my kids. Lawyer says I have to spend on those things so I'll at least get enough alimony to cover what I'm paying her for child support. I'll have to take on debt to pay him and I'm right at there where if I just lived like I did in college I could pay child support and get by. Or I can take on the debt and try to get some alimony. If I don't, kids will be going to summer camp and beach house vacation and shopping/spa dates, etc with mom, and, well, I'm not going to be able to provide that. Like, she kicked me out of the house almost 2 years ago, bought the kids all new stuff for their rooms, and the 4 times they've stayed with me so momma could travel for work, yeah, they have their own rooms but I'm staying at a low budget AirBnB. Here and in the court it's like I have to defend myself: there's a massive difference in what dad can provide and what mom provides, and damn sure the kids see it.

I don't know what to think of this legal approach, and as it is now, I'd have saved us $50k in legal fees by settling in mediation, but instead I'm also paying for trial with her refusing to do anything short of at least taking me to the day of the trial. She's filed every motion including a restraining order, and is fighting me on everything. Even if I get an order signed, I had to pay to fight her. It costs me, but she's got the money to burn and she's going to do it. If it weren't for the kids, I'd pack up and move to somewhere I can afford to live and leave this shit behind, but I hang around paying rent hoping I'll get the text one day saying "hey dad, can we come over?" or "remember when we went there for vacation? That was good, can we go back?" I raised them and can't walk away.

I'll defend myself some more. No DV, no infidelity, no drugs or drinking or even sitting around watching football all weekend. Ex just got pissed because I wouldn't move across the country so she could get a promotion and changed the locks.