Wife is going off the deep end and I honestly don’t know what to do. I’m literally getting concerned for her mental health. She functionally has no family and has spent every vacation holiday etc. with mine for 20 years, and now she’s going losing everything at once. She’s finally realizing that her actions have cost her our oldest son and will likely cost the younger one as well given time. I’ve spent so long trying to take care of her and protect her from her toxicity that it’s hard for me to deal with what this is like for her. Actions have consequences.

She’s refused to work for the last five years and refuses therapy. She actively sabotaged my efforts to get into med school which has likely added ten years or so to me going. She’s completely and utterly disrespectful - not just to me, to everyone (especially people of authority). I will always love her and it’s not that I’m abandoning ship… it’s that there’s nothing left above water but the mast and I know I can’t save it.

So I’m leaving.

I can’t keep growing while she keeps refusing to. But her pain and the irrational behavior that results from it plus the knowledge that she’s about to lose her entire extended family as a result of her actions hits hard. Really hard. I know I can’t stay where I’m not loved or respected but if my God it’s hard.