Could need some insights (Ranty)

Five_Decades · 2018-08-08T06:06:22+00:00

A major problem with PUA tactics is they work on the wrong kinds of women. They tend to work on women who are more desperate for external validation, and women like that have more issues.

Its a cycle. PUA leads to meeting lower quality women, which leads to cynicism. Granted there are some decent quality women you meet in PUA, but for the most part if you are picking up strangers then the kinds of women who will agree to date a stranger will be more prone to having issues on average.

I'd say go somewhere where decent women congregate and try to meet women there. Maybe female workers at a daycare, or volunteers at an animal shelter.

Do they really love you for who you are or the idea of an relationship?

Depends on the person. It applies to both genders though. Some people like you for you. Some people just want a warm body. Some people like you for what you have (good looks, status, wealth, etc) and once those are gone, so are they.

Generally a true emotional bond forms due to sharing vulnerabilities, and showing you will support each other during hard times. It also requires honesty. If you can find a decent woman and do that with her, you will have a higher chance of forming a mature, genuine emotional bond.

claireauriga · 2018-08-08T09:18:41+00:00

There are people who play games, try to fit all relationships into a stereotypical framework, and who neither communicate their needs clearly or expect their partners to do so.

There are people who enter into relationships based on trying to figure out what makes them happy and finding someone who is a good, compatible partner to find that happiness with.

The kind of relationship you end up in depends on the kind of person you are, and who you seek out for your partners. Red Pill, PUA, etc are self-selecting: the only people who will respond to those unhealthy techniques are those with unhealthy ideas about relationships.

hermitofkashmir · 2018-08-08T15:27:36+00:00

If you're tired of playing games, don't. Of all the relationships I've been in, whether casual or not, I try to be as clear as possible about what I want or need. That can be hard sometimes because it makes me vulnerable to being turned down or for the conversation/relationship to not work out, but that's ok. In the end, I'd rather be in a relationship that has clear cut boundaries than in a relationship where I have to guess how to act. The latter is too stressful for me, so I refuse to do it and I'd prefer that any partner ask me if they're confused about something instead of guessing. That's how you learn about someone. That doesn't mean mistakes aren't made, but if they are, I'm open to discussing what I/they did that made someone upset.

Hard conversations happen in any relationship. If they don't happen then you create a relationship based on resent and confusion and that won't make anyone happy.

My current relationship is going on 3 years because after a certain point I knew I wanted to be with this person for a very long time, and we're on the same page about that and what boundaries make up our relationship. We talk when we upset each other, or when we think something needs to be clarified without making threats and with confidence that my partner is saying exactly what they mean to say. We respect each other, and so games that aren't established as fun or part of a flirty process between us that make us both happy aren't tolerated.

In regards to the threat of leaving a relationship, someone with confidence in themselves wouldn't tolerate that being a constant threat. You've weaponized the relationship. My partner knows that if he ever feels like he needs to explore himself sexually with other people, he's free to do that without me in his life as his partner. We're both young, and I understand that's something he might want to do, but I'm not someone comfortable being in a sexually open relationship that is also romantically exclusive. Does that mean I can keep an adult person from doing what they want or feel is an integral part of their growth? Absolutely not. It would hurt to break up because I love him, but I respect him as a person to do what he needs to do for himself, and us breaking up for him to explore himself with other people would be me respecting myself AND him. We both have made a choice to be exclusive in all things pertaining to a romantic relationship because we've talked about what our needs are and have decided upon what is acceptable and what isn't. Presenting that choice like a weapon against your partner out of the idea that women need to be constantly guilted or scared for their relatonship to feel secure (just writing that doesn't make sense) is incredibly disrespectful to the other person and taints the bond made by mutually making that choice together. It also makes me think that men who do this are projecting their own fears and insecurities onto the women they date because they haven't talked about those issues with their partner, or think that they can't/shouldn't, and need to make their partner feel on edge like they are.

cyranothe2nd · 2018-08-08T20:25:23+00:00

Is it really necessary to bother with this shit to have a great relationship?

No, not if your goal is to find a good, honest relationship. Manipulative crap like PUA works on insecure or desperate people (of both genders) for a little while, but most people find a backbone and leave an abusive relationship eventually, or the relationship must become even more toxic and abusive to continue.

Real love exists.

Real relationships with real people exist.

I think it's important to, first and foremost, establish what YOU want from a relationship, establish what YOUR limits and YOUR needs are. Figure out who you are and what you want. Then seek that out. You will learn a lot from the mistakes of prior relationships and your wants and needs will change over time, but I think genuine connections happen when you know yourself and you communicate your needs honestly.

It might also help you to talk with people in LTRs. I've been with my husband for 11 years and we are more in love now than ever. Our relationship is honest, we are both vulnerable with each other and we both deeply love each other without playing weird games or power struggles. One of the biggest lies of TRP is to say that such relationships don't exist when, in fact, they are all around you.

BlueAscetic · 2018-08-22T02:38:04+00:00

If PUA is the attract-a-woman tactic game, then it IS a game, within PUA standards.

A woman will only like what she likes. The PUA might get a woman superficially, and maybe it'll grow into something substantial. I myself read up and listened what I think was PUA information.

Who are the women in your life that are moving on so quickly? Would you say they're emotionally and mentally stable, or do they merely appear to be? Do they know what they want? What are the circumstances with their break-up? Do you think they've given themselves time to heal? You have to look at the individual women in your life and observe their differences to avoid clumping us all together in a bitter burning pile of mess in your mind.

Believe it or not, the women I know want to heal themselves before moving on from a relationship. Some women I know do move on quickly, and do seem to buy into the idea they need a man to be happy and fulfilled. Not all women think that way, and most women I can say most definitely do not think men are dispensable. Most women work with men. Women who treat men as objects likely have different reasons for doing so; either they're mentally unstable, insecure in themselves, etc etc. All this you can tell from the way a person talks, so definitely get to know someone before committing.

I won't tell you to disregard women, or shut them out. Do what you want to do. You can make new friends that are women, talk to women online about these things, or you can isolate yourself for awhile and meditate on what YOU want for yourself. You said you don't want to feel "unlovable"; I personally think that I would want a partner who has learned to love themselves. The most attractive men I've ever met didn't give a diddly squat what other people thought of them, either because they were raised that way, weren't neurotic, and/or spent a lot of time working on themselves.

You can choose to live in a game or to step out of the game with the awareness some people are playing it. Women are also told to not text back right away, not cause a fuss, etc. with new guys we're dating. If it's the "right" relationship and attraction is strong on both sides, usually the game doesn't matter. No matter how much "game" a guy has, if I don't like him enough I won't date him. Same with guys as far as I know.

Somethoughts44 · 2018-08-28T23:09:23+00:00

Please, please, please don't get involved in PUA and redpill.
I'm 23F and I'm honestly just going through trying to talk to young guys because when I was in high school if I had been a man I would have been sucked into this too, because I felt "foreveralone", I felt insecure and unwanted and not good enough. I also sought a framework to understand the world with rules and to try to control the things that made me afraid, like rejection, and if I had fallen into redpill I would have been messed up. Only continuing to socialize and learn about other and myself helped.

Everything in PUA and redpill is untrue. It is wrong about how women think completely. Women are just like men in most ways in that they are of course looking for an attractive partner but just like to men that can mean tons of different things, just like with men some women are seeking casual sex and others are seeking lifelong relationships, and the ways to impress women are just the same as with men, different depending on the person but mostly being a confident and true to yourself individual.

WhosCountin · 2018-08-08T14:26:53+00:00

Try reading (or listening to the audio book of) Models by Mark Manson. It’s a good sort of PUA book that focuses more on showing vulnerability and being yourself while still being attractive. I highly recommend. It’s a good alternative to the toxicity of red pill while still giving realistic and actionable advice.

Title	Could need some insights (Ranty)
Author	Exredpill96
Upvotes	7
Comments	10
Date	August 8, 2018 5:41 AM UTC (7 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/ExRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/exredpill/comments/95jbw2/could_need_some_insights_ranty/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/ExRedPill/could-need-some-insights-ranty.300019 https://theredarchive.com/post/300019

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