How much does status and experience matter?

ChelseaDagger16 · 2025-10-31T01:21:17+00:00

Women may not be thinking of the discrete categories you speak of. It may just be “he looks cute and fun, why not grab a drink with him?”

I can’t/won’t diagnose you but it seems like a form of impostor syndrome or low self esteem.

-greenie-beanie · 2025-10-31T16:50:30+00:00

Hi friend! I’m a woman (26), and I used to do the exact same thing to men but with intelligence. I struggled with self-worth and my intelligence was like my crowning jewel. It was the only thing that made me feel valuable. I realized I only went after men who were significantly less “intelligent” than me because I felt threatened by men who could match or outpace me intellectually. I felt like if I wasn’t the smart one, I was nothing. If they were smarter than me, then I was worthless and they’d have all the power and reason to leave me whenever.

I think you might be feeling the same but with the metrics you mentioned. I think there’s a perception among men (not saying that women don’t perpetuate it) that men should be bread winners. They should be the ones who are educated and making great money and doing the cool things. It sounds like maybe, compared to those women, you feel you don’t measure up and that gives them more power than you, like they’re a more “valuable” person which creates insecurity in the relationship.

Some women might care about you not matching them in those ways, but I think most won’t. If they matched with you it’s because they’re interested in you! You have so many things to offer and that’s why they want to meet you. Women that can provide for themselves with their education and money and travel experience are challenging you to bring something more to the table. Bring kindness and caring. Bring humor and joy. Bring encouragement and support. If the only things you see as valuable in yourself are those metrics you mentioned, you’ll feel insecure in the relationship, but if you can recognize (as those women do) that you have more to offer than that, things more valuable than that, then I think you could make some incredible connections with women that sound like absolute catches!

Personal_Dirt3089 · 2025-10-31T06:26:43+00:00

"status"? how TF is someone even supposed to figure out your "status"? I heard the pitch years ago, "status" was just used as "you need our teaching for some reason and here is something to be insecure about so you stay" by pickup artist scammers and then redpill scammers. Get it out of your head. No one has a status meter over their head.

mambata95 · 2025-10-31T19:17:39+00:00

Man, for almost 10 years of my life, in times when it was rough for me financially, I was always supported by girlfriends. They were doing good career-wise, and didn't mind supporting me (going out, food, even rent). They believed in me, enjoyed my company, and we had a great time. As long as you have personality that they like, it's fine. Don't worry about it.

meleyys · 2025-10-31T01:03:57+00:00

I think you might want to ask yourself why you're avoiding well-off women. Is there a specific reason?

LizziHenri · 2025-11-01T00:00:07+00:00

Hey, you put effort into putting yourself out there and it sounds like you are attracting women you're interested in--that's great!

I understand it can be intimidating to go out with someone that seems more put-together than you, but dating profiles are usually people putting their best foot forward, but we're all human.

I encourage you to not think of yourself as "less than" because you think someone might be more accomplished in a certain area of life. They wouldn't match if they didn't like what you put out there.

I'd also encourage you to keep moving away from a transactional mindset when it comes to dating. People appreciate and look for lots of different qualities in dating and relationships. If you're ex-redpill, you're probably used to buying into the idea that all women are alike in that they only want x, y, z, etc., like there's a magic formula for attraction and love, but it's not true.

If someone matches with you, it means they're interested to get to know more. Focus on being positive and honest, and if you're not a match, it's more than okay. Good luck!

Aware_Illustrator_81 · 2025-11-01T18:44:01+00:00

It doesn't really matter as much as the internet makes it out to be, now that's not to say that it can't help or hinder you in some ways, but it's not the most important aspect to dating. I met my now girlfriend she had a college degree while I was just entering my junior year, and now she currently has a job making more than me as well. I think what matters much more is having a passion or interest in something that you love and something that makes you ambituous in a sense. I'd also say that you're missing on life experiences by avoiding those who may have more of it in some ways. I'd say give it a shot, in the end you'll only just gain more life experience and stories as result.

stayfreshmyfriend · 2025-11-03T15:54:18+00:00

Sounds like insecurity, my friend.

And hey - you wouldn't wanna date someone put off by your wallet (lets not forget life is not fair and not everybody comes from a well-off background, or are even motivated by money). People seek diversity, it makes life fun.

Feeling threatened by others merits or experiences robs you of curiosity and inspiration. It takes time, and I relate, but we all believe you'll work past this.

Also side note: we all have insecurities, even the most successful-looking people :)

OnABreeze · 2025-10-31T08:12:46+00:00

I want to believe that you’re not a bot, given your short time on here and the fact that you’re not sharing posts and comments history. Define for us what a high status woman is? In your own words, what is well-to-do? What does it matter if they are supposedly farther ahead in life than you? You’re 23, just starting out in life. You have time to grow, mature, and advance. Are you saying that you wouldn’t want to be with a 10/10 because she’s a doctor, lawyer, uber-successful profession? That’s…….short sighted…. 10000% you’re shooting yourself in the foot. Someone wants to be with you because you complete them. The rest of it doesn’t matter that much. Basically you’re saying that you wouldn’t get with Sabrina Carpenter because she’s more successful than you? Do I have that right? You know who’s the happiest man in the world? Dolly Parton’s husband. Look him up.

Fun-Grocery-3643 · 2025-11-03T17:27:20+00:00

I love that some women chimed in so beautifully here. I often hear single women saying that it drives them crazy when men are threatened by their success. This is just a symptom of low self esteem and nothing else.

What women (and all humans, really) crave more than anything else is a partner who deeply believes that the value of a human doesn't come down to what they earn or their skills or how well traveled they are.

Who wants to fall in love with someone who measures life in that way?

Of course it's GREAT to earn more and GREAT if your partner earns more... I mean more is more :)

But most of us want to feel that we touch something sacred with the person we fall in love with. We want to feel seen, understood, listened to, like we deeply matter, like we can depend and trust this person with unshakable certainty... and that these qualities are wrapped in a package that we find great pleasure and fun in being around.

That's the unicorn we all want. But to be that person requires that you deeply believe in yourself and that you trust yourself to be that person for the woman you are with. If your self esteem gets derailed by petty competition and fear of losing her to someone better, then you never get to experience what I'm talking about.

Self esteem can take years of therapy, but also, it can happen in a moment of decision: The decision to believe that your life and life's journey is sacred and unique.

It's not a matter of working to believe in yourself, but rather the willingness to set down and surrender your self doubts.

Positive-Share5634 · 2025-11-05T18:03:31+00:00

Probably just points out to your insecurities that you should work on. It's not bad. You just have to actively recognize your insecurities and work trough them. We all have them. Some just didn't recognize them yet. You got this. ✊

Smart-Individual-647 · 2025-11-04T13:53:08+00:00

It sounds like you want someone to control

Title	How much does status and experience matter?
Author	Haunting_Ad_4179
Upvotes	5
Comments	15
Date	October 29, 2025 6:16 PM UTC (8 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/ExRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/exredpill/comments/1ojc5be/how_much_does_status_and_experience_matter/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/ExRedPill/how-much-does-status-and-experience-matter.1565446 https://theredarchive.com/post/1565446

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