Introverted confidence?

Negative-Train-3303 · 2022-09-08T05:35:36+00:00

I can relate to getting exhausted by small talk lol.

There are definitely benefits to working on your social skills and becoming a better conversationalist. It can be fun and also create opportunities for you romantically and job-wise.

I would suggest honing in on your natural listening skills and becoming really good at asking people about themselves and really letting them "shine". People generally love talking about themselves and what they think so it will endear them to you and it also takes the pressure off of you to come up with topics of your own. Also some of the loudest people in the room come off as insecure so being more quiet and a good listener can make you seem more confident and secure in yourself. It shows you have nothing to prove and you're comfortable in your own skin.

zapadz · 2022-09-08T02:46:54+00:00

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-E1cm833Z2o

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lOae2s8JOUE

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nZ1q07WHuOs

vcreativ · 2022-09-08T09:42:11+00:00

Hey there. :)

I want to say that "confidence" is just one of those words that has a more fuzzy meaning and is therefore easy to misunderstand. Everyone has an opinion on it while practically no one can define it.

Usually someone is considered confident once they've been observed doing something that scares the observer. For some that's playing sports, for others it's public speaking, having good rapport with women often is the highest entry in the list for (young) men.

Confidence isn't recklessness. Many people who are considered confident are basically reckless and/or unempathetic. It's really important to understand that they play by an entirely different set of rules, in the sense that they just don't care about the other or themselves.

So how can one display confidence without the whole outgoing, jumping around, making ones self look like a fool or a jester?

Honestly, you can just vibe in the group. I don't think that you really need to say anything at all. It's ok to just exist. Many people in a social setting are desperate for attention, they tend to be the ones to jump around, but that's not because they're more confident.

Body language clearly matters. Don't encroach on other's space, but the space that you happen to fill is yours at that time, so it's ok to command it.

If the conversation isn't that interesting, find a different group? Maybe focus more one on one and see if you can't find someone that's actually interesting to talk to.

The projecting confidence part is kind of easy once it's settled in. Talk about things that make you feel insecure, there's no need to overshare, but being open to talk to others about whatever you feel weakest about is one of the hallmarks of genuine confidence. Same for emotional vulnerability. People mostly talk about things because talking about emotions openly scares just about everyone.

Confidence is basically being at peace with your inner world so much that is begins to project outward by itself. The Stoics would define something similar when they discuss an unshakeable sense of self, regardless of what life has to offer.

Just realise that just because not everyone gets it, doesn't mean you're doing it wrong. Pick people whose judgement you respect and see how they view you.

Maybe this helps, feel free to follow up with specific queries, all the best.

Naus1987 · 2022-09-08T13:29:33+00:00

Gotta find social groups for your hobbies. Even introverts love talking about their hobbies.

EmbarrassedEmu27 · 2022-09-09T06:12:14+00:00

I have ADHD and was constantly told to shut up as child as I was curious with lot of questions.

Eventually I did shut up and now I cannot have have small talk even at gun point.

You sound like introvert why change for others. All those noisy people in gatherings are superficial anyway. There is book called quiet which discusses super power of introversion.

May be play the role that will suit you. If talking is not something you enjoy you could work on being the dependable guy. Someone who could help with program management/arrangements, showcase your skill or someone who is resourceful. Once they see you dependable and likes you can part of gathering without the talks.

As a fellow introvert what as helped is having cheat sheets. I make a mental cheat sheets of questions to ask, topics to discuss in advance. I do put in some work to understand the crowd what is mostly spoken and in my observation some pattern will emerge. It is also easier ask someone a question and let them do doing the talking. People aren’t smart like you think most of the get their news from twitter. Dogs and food are my usual filler talks.

Take a friend if that is workable for you so he can help fill in when you are running out of topic.

Title	Introverted confidence?
Author	BondJamesBondx12
Upvotes	9
Comments	8
Date	September 8, 2022 2:27 AM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/ExRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/exredpill/comments/x8nyxb/introverted_confidence/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/ExRedPill/introverted-confidence.1129657 https://theredarchive.com/post/1129657

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