Neediness vs Wanting a relationship?

Rentun · 2025-01-02T15:28:16+00:00

You kind of explained it yourself. Neediness isn't only unhealthy, it's counterproductive. Being needy won't help you get a relationship. Wanting a relationship will.

The difference there is that a needy person thinks that they must be in a relationship to be happy. A partner is the one missing puzzle piece in their life, and in their view, once they have that, all of their other problems will melt away.

You can probably spot the problems here. One, needing a relationship to be happy is an issue. It means that you're unhappy with yourself, with your hobbies, your living situation, and so on. The entire end goal is to be happy, so living an extended period of time where you're unhappy is an issue. Secondly, as anyone who has experience with relationships can attest to, being in a relationship doesn't solve all of your problems. It doesn't even solve most of your problems. In fact, many times it can cause more problems.

Someone who isn't needy knows these things. They're happy and content with their own lives, and although they may want someone to share their lives with eventually, being alone isn't miserable for them either. They're fully independent people that don't need someone else to exist. As a secondary benefit, people like this are far more likely to end up in relationships with someone they like, and those relationships are far more likely to be healthy and happy.

redditmaxima · 2025-01-02T05:08:16+00:00

Neediness is strange word. Relationship advisers and redpill guys like to use it.
Everybody need relationships, everybody want to be loved, everybody want to have friends and girls.
Usual advice is to somehow fake confidence and make impression like you already have all of this.
Both of this things are impossible to do. If they had been possible it won't be hundreds of big channels with thousands of videos on each.
Real solution is to be open and find at the start people who like you and who want to have relationship with you in the state you are now and with open truth told to them.
Girls mostly despise "neediness" and not neediness, this is exactly as you try to make bad fake impression but it is obvious that your actions do not match your words.

thekeytovictory · 2025-01-02T05:25:54+00:00

I'd say not being "needy" is a matter of taking care of yourself and respecting your partner's need for personal space and boundaries (and respecting your own need for personal space and boundaries). Wanting a relationship is a choice, so if you don't want one, then you can always choose not to pursue relationships. If you're referring to wanting things from your partner as part of the relationship, I'd say it's fine to have expectations ... but in a healthy relationship, it's only fair to hold your partner accountable for meeting expectations that were clearly communicated and agreed upon beforehand.

For example, if you start dating someone and don't ask if the relationship is monogamous and exclusive or communicate that's what you want, and if they don't agree to that arrangement, then it isn't fair to get angry with the other person if they had perceived the relationship to be open and casual. If you secretly want your partner to surprise you with gifts on special occasions but don't communicate that desire to them, then it isn't fair to expect them to read your mind.

But communicating an expectation to someone doesn't obligate them to fulfill it. In a healthy relationship, you have to respect the other person's autonomy to say no to some things. You can't control what other people do, you can only control what boundaries you set for yourself to respond to what others do. For example, if they say no to a lot of your requests, then you can explain why it's important to you and see if they're willing to accommodate, you can adjust your expectations, or you can choose a different partner.

meleyys · 2025-01-02T04:33:37+00:00

So, I think we all know what neediness is.

I actually think it would help if you defined what you mean by neediness.

fremdspielen · 2025-01-03T12:27:35+00:00

Neediness is not healthy. It is akin to habitual substance (ab)use, and yes I particularly mean alcohol by that. Just one ounce of depression suffices and the neediness turns into addiction respectively frustration and/or aggression.

Neediness also seems very egotistical, excludes the feelings of the other party. In that sense it is probably a companion to clinginess.

Perhaps you meant to say „desires“ instead?

RaccoonSweaty3741 · 2025-01-21T03:22:43+00:00

High Intent + low attachment

= is the non needy way of wanting and successfully creating a relationship.

High Intent + High attachment = needy

El-Myrone445 · 2025-01-02T20:22:32+00:00

Want for nothing.

Title	Neediness vs Wanting a relationship?
Author	OkAdagio4389
Upvotes	10
Comments	20
Date	January 2, 2025 3:30 AM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/ExRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/exredpill/comments/1hrkjon/neediness_vs_wanting_a_relationship/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/ExRedPill/neediness-vs-wanting-a-relationship.1540147 https://theredarchive.com/post/1540147

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