Recovering from RP

Rimavelle · 2023-04-24T13:13:05+00:00

You should ask yourself not what all women want, but what a woman you want to be with would want.

As, if you're a "traditional" man and looking for a traditional woman, the common things she would be looking for gonna be different, than if she was more progressive, etc etc. I feel like a lot of RP men are just lonely and they would go for ANY woman as long as she breathes, and that makes any list of "things she would want" impossible to make, even approximately.

As for what they dont want - nobody wants to feel used, manipulated and a means to an end. And that's inherently what RP does. It teaches to pretend, to manipulate, just to "aquire" women as a status symbol.

HaveALittleGrace · 2023-04-24T12:38:29+00:00

I think the most frustrating thing about relationships is to find compatibility with how you would like the relationship structure to be. I can only speak for myself, but I was raised on traditional gender roles and was 'trained' for that (I cook, clean, sew, etc.), so that's what I prefer, despite egalitarian being fairly common as well. They're both very valid options.

I prefer to be at home, taking care of the kids and/or him, making his meals (breakfast, packed lunch, and dinner), and helping the home be a stable place he wants to return to. What my "roles" entail is obviously something we'd discuss if our relationship got that far. Though I can, I'm not really equipped for career life. I'm a better woman if I can do what I was equipped for.

I am also able to do most, if not all, of the purchasing for us and the household. I'm frugal, so I research before spending. I'm able to do a lot of the regular accounting for the household, so that's a role I can take as well. I put groceries and other things away, clean, etc. These are the skills I've acquired by being in those set "roles", but not everyone does that. That's okay too!

I also do all the appointment scheduling, taking cars in, and basically making the home a well-greased machine. These are things that make his job and life easier because I stay at home and he takes care of us monetarily. It's not for everyone though and nobody should be forced into those "roles". Each relationship is going to look different based on what you want out of life.

As for the man's side, I like when he does the money-making, does the fixing of things (or let's me hire someone), does the moving, etc. Basically stuff that I cannot do or that isn't appropriate for me to do based on those typical "roles". Egalitarian "roles" are different. If both work, then we assume that both are tired and "roles" need to be split differently.

You're right; each relationship will look different and that's why learning to communicate is so imperative. If you have no clue what you want your home to look like, then you don't know what type of woman you need. She might look pretty, but she might be a disaster everywhere else. If you're just dating for shits and giggles and casual sex, then you don't need to think like this.

Hopefully this helps. :)

Allusionator · 2023-04-24T16:11:37+00:00

You’re right it’s individual, you should look for a partner who wants what you bring to the table whatever that is there are people who are into it.

AceArguments · 2023-04-24T16:41:02+00:00

The whole exchange theory is repulsive and ancient. Men exchange money, status, and stability for a young 18 year old woman's beauty and chastity.

I come from a super traditional background where the woman takes care of the children and works a part time job, while the man is the main breadwinner and is developing his career. The reason my parents got married was exactly the above situation. They had nothing to say to each other 99% of the time. They did not share any hobbies, beliefs, or common interests with the exception of religion. When I was growing up the community around me was filled with people that only married for convenience. Dinner is awkward. No one says anything to each other...The idea that your parents would even talk to a child is super strange. After the age of 5 they expect you to be an adult. Everyone is just there to perform their roles.

When I grew up I wanted someone like me. That understands things like me, sees the world like me, had similar experiences to me, had a similar culture to me, shared things and had common interests with me. I took every opportunity I could looking for someone with similarities to me and found the person through a friend of a friend.

We do everything together; play video games, work out, go on walks, and travel. I talk to him about everything; science, philosophy, politics, biology. He tells me every random thought he has and every mundane thing that happens to him. He understands things the way I do so there's never any misinterpretation. Ever. He never assumes malice in me and I never assume malice in him. Since we have two different cultural backgrounds we both understand that sometimes things don't translate well from one culture to another. We share everything.

The RP guys say they want a 'traditional' relationships are picking and choosing the parts of 'tradition' or by-products of it that they like. They just want to have all the benefits of a woman at home doing all the house chores while he sleeps around. That is not traditional. Anyone from a traditional family knows that sex is for nothing but procreation. Any Red Piller that says otherwise doesn't realize that sex wasn't a common occurrence at all in the past. Which makes their FOMO fixation so insane. The social mores and religions of the past were much too strict about who you can have sex with, when you can have sex, and for what purpose one can have sex, to ever be common. But these guys are out here thinking that they're missing out when in reality everyone is missing out! Even the humans of the past knew that sex was but a small part of life and somewhat animalistic. What was most important was the community.

I understand it's hard to figure out who you are, what you like, what your preferences are and who might best be compatible but to literally roll all the way back to the 1900s is insane. It looks like the guys of RP are so afraid of being an 'individual' that they would rather revert to only gender roles than find a compatible partner. I guess performing a role is easier than figuring out what best makes you happy and who best fits in your life.

Please, please. Take some time to discover yourself, how you are in your daily life, and your preferences before looking for a compatible partner. There is no need for you to replicate the lives of old world gender role performance that so many people in the past were confined to. Find someone that at least has 50% in common with you, agrees on core values, and knows how to change behaviour to accomodate others. It's such a shame seeing people that only perform a role. It's a nice coping mechanism but we don't need it anymore.

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Snuffleupagus03 · 2023-04-24T20:27:25+00:00

You’re right that you can’t generalize. So as a result I think you can generalize that women are individual.

I’m my opinion and experience they want to be treated as fully realized individuals with individual perspectives and preferences. Treat them with respect and communicate and listen.

Listen to their preferences and respond to them. Care about them as a unique person.

fathergoose77 · 2023-04-24T23:19:44+00:00

I think you already got the main point from your own post: it varies across each individual, and it will vary depending on the type of relationship you want. Do you want kids and who will be there caregiver? Do you want to be the sole financial provider or would you like to split financial costs? Is your culture/religion important to you and how much do you want it incorporated in your life? What do you want to do in your spare time with a partner? How much family involvement do you want from both sides? Are political ideologies important to you? What are your major life goals and do they align with hers? You want pets? You want to travel lots? You want to move to another country? You want to be an adventurous eater? By figuring out what is most important to you, you can look for partners who are similar.

RP is often quite vague and contradicts itself in what women/men want. It mostly preaches “AWALT” and that all women are helpless, animalistic, gold diggers. It scares men into thinking they’ll never reach the “impossible standards of women”. Reality is everyone is different and it’s up to us to learn more about an individual before we decide it’s a good idea to date them long term.

Downtown_Cat_1172 · 2023-04-27T16:51:08+00:00

Women are different. Women are individuals with different interests and pursuits in life. All women want someone who is going to be kind to them and who encourages them to be themselves.

Lovingill · 2023-05-07T17:28:05+00:00

You don't have to worry about a woman destroying you with a divorce if you get a prenuptial. Or choose not to marry, which is something many women want as well. Your anxiety over this specific situation is unfounded.

Title	Recovering from RP
Author	Leather-Standard6288
Upvotes	7
Comments	67
Date	April 24, 2023 11:47 AM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/ExRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/exredpill/comments/12xcvvv/recovering_from_rp/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/ExRedPill/recovering-from-rp.1216701 https://theredarchive.com/post/1216701

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