Resentment towards women

LadylikeElectricland · 2021-04-26T13:14:25+00:00

What I'm getting from your post is in part entitlement and in part a deep misunderstanding of what relations are about. It seems to me that you just want a 'girlfriend' (for whatever reason) and not really a person who understands you and who makes you happier just by the virtue of their existence. Have you ever even thought about what kind of a girlfriend you want? I mean, to be specific, what kind of a personality do you find endearing, what values and hobbies you'd like her to have, etc.?

Relationships are so hard because you need two people (at least) to meet at the right time in the right place, and they have to have reciprocal affection for one another. I can guarantee you that you will easily find somebody who'll date you -- that's really not an issue. But what you want to find is somebody you are in love with and who is in love with you. And this can take its time.

Last few points: you need to stop treating women as this predictable monolith and, most importantly, you have to stop thinking that if a woman is interested in you that by itself somehow indicates that there is something wrong with her. I'm afraid, this is either depression or low-esteem speaking, or both, and either of these is deeply counterproductive. So preferably get some counselling, or read about how to get healthy self-esteem, and whenever you feel like dismissing a woman just because she shows an interest in you, tell that voice in your head to shut the fuck up and give that woman a chance. Yes, some women will show an interest in your and as they get to know you, they may decide that you two are not a good match (or maybe you will decide that -- and you should be actively thinking about whether the person you are dating is the person with whom you want to be in a relationship). This happens all the time and is perfectly normal -- don't be afraid of it, it truly happens to everybody, including the 'Chadiest' of Chads. But if you don't allow for this 'getting-to-know-each-other' period (aka, dating), you'll never find a satisfying relationship.

DissonanceBadger · 2021-04-26T11:23:16+00:00

Your problem is the degree to which you value niceness. It’s not a feature to many people, not because they want the opposite of niceness, but because it’s just not where the value of a partner lies. To sell niceness to people is like trying to sell someone a car by boasting about the quality of the screws used in assembly. No you don’t want shitty screws, yes they are important, but you’re not buying the car for the screws. You should ask yourself why is it that you value niceness so much that you think you can sell yourself with it.

RedPillDetox · 2021-04-26T17:15:50+00:00

Just because you got rejected while being nice doesn't mean you got rejected for being nice.

And assuming you got rejected for being nice, doesn't mean that you got rejected by a woman you'd respect or be compatible with.

zinagardenia · 2021-04-26T13:42:13+00:00

Hey man, I’m sorry you’re going through this. It’s gotta feel bad to think that your best qualities were turning people off. And being mocked for your politeness? Jesus, some people are such assholes. By the way, I commend you for asking this question here rather than a redpill/incel echo chamber.

Let’s unpack the concept of “niceness” for a moment. It’s a pretty vague word, but I generally associate “niceness” with more shallow politeness and graciousness. The window dressings, so to speak. In contrast, “compassion”, “kindness”, “good character”, and “morality” suggest deeper qualities. Similarly, there’s “agreeableness”, which is a core personality trait. While superficial “niceness” is lovely, I think the things that really matter in romantic (and platonic!) relationships are those deeper qualities. Let’s set aside the issue of attracting a partner for a moment. The above qualities are absolutely critical to having an enjoyable, loving experience once you’ve found someone (note that they are necessary for this, but not sufficient - theres a lot that goes into building good relationships).

Second, as a scientist, I have to be a little skeptical that one can draw all that many conclusions about women (or humans generally) from your personal experience being ignored, mocked, and misled during a period in which you self-describe as being nice. In fact, I recall seeing ample research demonstrating that agreeableness is one of the main drivers of romantic attraction. I don’t have time to dig it up right now because I have to prep some of my own research for an early morning meeting, but I’d be happy to send you some manuscripts if you’re interested in reading more about this.

Out of curiosity, how old are you? (I ask this not to invalidate your experiences, but to contextualize them)

Edit: word

2021-04-26T17:40:31+00:00

women are idiots who chose abusive partners

I think this topic needs to be discussed more. Especially here where we get a lot of people that found RP because they were being abused. When you're trauma bonded to a person, it's incredibly hard to walk away from and it can get worse the longer it goes on for. Just look at the science of it and ignore everything else. Men do the same shit when they're trauma bonded to an abusive woman. While I wouldn't call them idiots per se, they often just don't know better.

atman714 · 2021-04-26T21:08:39+00:00

If some woman does fall for me, I don't think I can let go of my indignation of being ignored when I was a better man. It would validate my view that women are idiots who chose abusive partners for themselves or else are opertunistic to tge point that overall personality is worth less than tge provider aspect.

I don't think women who choose abusive men usually do it because they enjoy the abuse. Typically abusers will actually start off extremely charismatic, charming, romantic, etc. The abusive part usually comes out later, so the woman (or man) will stay in hopes of restoring the relationship to its former self. This is what we are taught in the medical field as well. Some women do want a provider. This is slowly changing. I don't think it's nearly as common as it was 50 years ago, considering more women are now graduating university than men.

Has anyone felt the same way? How did you get past it?

Sort of. I used to be absolutely awful with women. It wasn't because of them though, I just never approached women because my self esteem was extremely low. I did also have a "nice guy" complex, which I quickly dropped after seeing how terrible I can actually be through alot of introspection (and psychedelics). How did I get past it? Changing. But not in the way TRP teaches. I gained some confidence, started seeing myself as someone who people can actually love, became less afraid to talk about things I'm passionate about and geek over, actually approached women and asked girls out on dates if I liked them, took no for an answer without letting it crush my self-worth, etc. These are all things that helped me, maybe they can help you too.

brand1996 · 2021-04-26T14:18:02+00:00

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CarHungry · 2021-04-29T09:53:54+00:00

You're problem isn't that you are nice, your problem is that you did a bunch of shit no one asked you to do and then expected it to be reciprocated, ala implied quid pro quo. That doesn't make people grateful, it makes people feel like they owe you, which is a negative feeling.

I empathize with you man, but if you keep getting burnt touching the stovetop why continue to do so? Learn from your mistakes, or the pain you went through was for nothing.

ciopink · 2021-04-28T20:17:06+00:00

'women are idiots who chose abusive partners'

Yes, I'm a little silly. I had a childhood full of abuse and what's good, looks bad to me. I'm afraid of affection and people who are cheerful and treat me well. It has been getting better with time, but it's hard to realize that I normalize things that are not normal and repel positive things for me just because of my fears. You really get used to living badly. The thought that people 'enjoy' being abused has some truth to it, but in a twisted way. I have a distortion about reality. You always go back to the idea that you can change the other person, that if you do the right things, then all the abuse will go away and they will love you. But it's false.

Shycel · 2021-04-30T08:27:14+00:00

Don't be a niceguy bro they will just take advantage of u

2021-04-26T10:28:57+00:00

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El_Sob_number_1 · 2021-04-29T02:53:48+00:00

Sounds like you need to stop thinking in such dualistic, black-and-white terms. I'm sure your past self wasn't a perfect angel however "nice" you may have been, and at least from your description your present self doesn't sound irredeemable. To put it bluntly, there really is no "good enough" or "not good enough" when it comes to something as subjective (and yes, even irrational) as romantic attraction/interest.

You also need to stop generalizing "women" so damn much. You sound as if "AWALT" and related concepts are still unduly influencing your thought process.

Title	Resentment towards women
Author	Happycynic_93
Upvotes	14
Comments	24
Date	April 26, 2021 7:40 AM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/ExRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/exredpill/comments/mysa7d/resentment_towards_women/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/ExRedPill/resentment-towards-women.761016 https://theredarchive.com/post/761016

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