TL;DR: RPers = anxious attachments. RP strategies come from experiences having dealt with rejection from avoidants. Avoidants = majority of dating pool, which explains claim of AWALT (and other dubious claims of female nature, etc.)

What's up everybody,

Recently, I've picked up reading about attachment theory again and there's a section in there that blew my mind.

But first a super quick primer for those who don't know: You basically have 3 types of attachment styles: Secure, anxious, and avoidant.

  • Secure = "I am willing to be open and intimate with partner and meet their needs",
  • anxious = "I desperately want intimacy and I am afraid that I'll never get it/it'll go away",
  • avoidant = "I value independence and feel 'tied down' in intimate relationships".

Here's this crazy thing I read in the book Attached by Levine and Heller when they talk about dating strategies:

Say you decide to follow the advice of many popular relationship books. They offer guidelines to help you "land" a partner, such as: Don't make yourself too available, say you're busy even when you're not, don't call him--wait for him to call you, don't appear to care too much, act mysterious. Presumably, you preserve your dignity and independence in this way and gain your partner's respect. But in fact, what you are doing is behaving in a way that is not true to your genuine needs and feelings. You wave these aside to appear strong and self-sufficient. And indeed, these books and the advice that they give are right; these behaviors may indeed make you seem more attractive. What they don't mention...is that they will make you seem more attractive to a very particular kind of partner--an avoidant one. p. 98

The implications and explanatory power of this paragraph are enormous when talking about TRP. What is TRP? It's a bunch of anxious attachments who deeply deeply crave intimacy, love, connection, etc. and aren't getting it, most likely out of a fear of rejection and beliefs of "I'm not good enough".

Eventually, this anxious attachment finds someone and thinks "finally, I can get that intimacy I've always wanted". So they play their game of not seeming too interested, etc. only to then reach the point where they can't take it anymore and are honest in their desires and say "I really want/love/need you right now". The great fear of the anxious attachment is that this moment of truth will be what disqualifies them from being with that person. And that's exactly what happens. The consequence is then their partner starts distancing/running away from them. Why? Because their partner was an avoidant!

In another part of the book, they also say that avoidants are usually a MAJORITY in dating pools. Reason being: when secures or anxious attachments get together, they stay together. This explains the "AWALT" idea. Not only is it legit confirmation bias, it's also pointing to the reality that the majority of people that are dating actually AREN'T interested in having the relationships that an anxious would want. The "I'm willing to love" men and women are taken away super quick.

(The result is both men and women having a confused picture as to who the other sex really is *cough cough*)

With this reality, RPers have (mistakenly) concluded that the project of their lives has to then be giving up their deep desires for connection completely, in order to have superficial connection with the avoidant that are so prevalent. This explains the claims of RPers, this explains the anger phase, this explains the Black Pill, etc etc.

Lots more to say on this but hopefully y'all get the point. I recommend everyone here to read up on attachment theory if you guys haven't already. Would love to read what all you have to say.