What does healthy masculinity comprise of?

humanspiritsalive · 2021-10-06T15:39:19+00:00

I'll preface this by saying I think all people have masculine and feminine traits within them and that "healthy" is a matter of how those traits impact your self-esteem, and impact the people around you. Masculinity is toxic when the concept of "being a man" is used to break down your self-esteem, or to hurt other people (their self-image, or physically). For example, the idea that "real men" need sex, so if you aren't getting sex you aren't a "real man". This breaks down the individual psychologically by making them question their "manliness". It also puts a false goal in their head: if I have more sex, I'll prove to everyone and myself that I'm a man. This leads to men using people for sex (sometimes through manipulation and coercion) in order to feel less inadequate. Super toxic.

The traits that typically get labeled masculine; self assurance, decisiveness, physical strength, stoicism, being a protector, can all be positive and healthy in the right proportion and context. But if people think that "being a man" is walking around being 100% sure of themselves all the time, making decisions without asking other people, showing off their strength to everyone, never allowing themselves to show vulnerability, and trying to protect people who don't want or need your protection, they're going to be a complete asshole and no one is going to want to be around them.

imo healthy masculinity is about finding the right balance (for you) between your masculine and feminine traits. Feminine traits that men often overlook the importance of include - listening to other people and trying to put yourself in their shoes (empathy), taking care of other people's needs (hospitality), cooperation and looking out for the collective.

For me personally I feel most like myself (and most masculine) when I am incorporating masculine and feminine traits into my life. When I am decisive in guiding what my day will look like, where I want to put my energy. When I do things like volunteer in my community, I am able to use my physical strength and ability toward a constructive project, where I work with other people toward a common goal. I don't try to direct them, or be a leader unless I am asked, but I use cooperation and empathy to work successfully with everyone. The work they we do helps to keep our community fed, secure, and connected. And when things get difficult I try to incorporate stoicism when I feel it's necessary (when I don't feel it's appropriate to complain or vent) and then when it is appropriate I allow myself to talk about how I feel to friends and family, to feel my emotions, and even to cry.

All of those things make me feel like the man I want to be, like the most healthy version of myself.

Also, if you're looking for a reddit community focused on healthy masculinity check out /r/mensLib

ampfired · 2021-10-06T18:53:00+00:00

Being confident in yourself.

Doing what you believe is right, even when you know that it is costly and you may/will be judged for it.

Being secure enough that you can be open and emotionally vulnerable with yourself/those close to you, male AND female, and not worry that this makes you "less of a man."

The ability to not put sex on a pedestal and avoid chasing after it. (e.g. To the point of manipulating and emotionally abusing women like TRP encourages, or doing things unconsensually. Those behaviors are horrible and completely unacceptable.)

Having the strength to admit your shortcomings and say "I was/am wrong. I shouldn't have done/said that."

Being supportive of those close to you.

Maintaining health/physical fitness with the goal of treating yourself and your body well, not because it'll get you laid more. And not to the point of excess.

DissonanceBadger · 2021-10-06T18:48:14+00:00

The healthy masculine provides stability. He is trustworthy, a man of his word, in control of himself and his environment, knows where he is and where he is going, and is directed by a purpose.

The healthy masculine provides clarity instead of being sneaky. He is authentic. He says what he means, and asks for what he wants.

The healthy masculine is generous, and holds space for the feminine without judging the feminine.

The healthy masculine has an energy of doing. He takes action and initiative.

sernamedeleted · 2021-10-06T19:21:26+00:00

Being a well adjusted and caring husband and father who continually focuses on self improvement and furthering my and my wife's shared goals works pretty well for me.

PlayfulLawyer · 2021-10-07T20:39:01+00:00

Well toxic masculinity is not a real thing so on the flip side I'm not sure I would go with the idea of there being a healthy masculinity either, there's really just having masculine traits and from a personal standpoint being the best version of yourself

zapadz · 2021-10-07T07:30:10+00:00

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HZTKtodK8EY

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wLo8F5u21ts

Carloverguy20 · 2021-10-10T02:57:48+00:00

Protecting yourself and people around you from danger, uplifting people during hard times, not caring about societal norms and standards. Being respectful of others.

delabris · 2021-10-07T01:47:54+00:00

Honestly instead of seeking a healthy masculinity I will try to find a masculinity that pertains more to you as an individual

Everybody and their mother and cousin will have a different answer about what a man should be and in my opinion even entertaining some of these answers is not what we would describe as manly and my own personal growth never exceeded itself until I actually started living for me and for going anything resembling something that would be masculine or feminine

So basically do everything that you think you want to do.

When I was a teenager I had to sit myself down and actually ask myself that if I was going to be criticized for not living up to some type of masculine social script, but also be demonized for living up to it then I should do whatever I want and not worry about what people think because there will never be a right answer

Title	What does healthy masculinity comprise of?
Author	Brighr51
Upvotes	13
Comments	12
Date	October 6, 2021 7:40 AM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/ExRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/exredpill/comments/q2fm43/what_does_healthy_masculinity_comprise_of/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/ExRedPill/what-does-healthy-masculinity-comprise-of.1077115 https://theredarchive.com/post/1077115

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