Why do all you guys care about finding a relationship/love instead of funding solutions to your sadness

Georgie--George · 2022-07-19T08:18:22+00:00

You can’t change how other people act Only the way you REACT

I never understood this logic. If someone is treating you bad it's only logical and normal to feel bad about it. Not dealing with your feelings about it and repressing isn't good for your mental health.

Also if people would stop telling males stop emotionally responding (within reason) then places like this wouldn't be so popular.

SweelFor- · 2022-07-19T13:27:41+00:00

I find this to be a weird way to look at it. I've never been into RP so I don't know if these are specific RP points you're referencing, this is just my reaction to your post and nothing else.

Why do all you guys care about finding a relationship/love instead of funding solutions to your sadness

Why does it have to be one or the other? Most people are trying to do both at the same time. The reason why they care about finding love is that that is a very core and legitimate and valid goal in most people's lives. I don't really understand why you present that as if it was weird or illegitimate.

Finding love and a relationship certainly can help a lot with sadness. I'm not really sure why you would not want that to be a part of it. If love didn't make people happier then why even bother in the first place?

1.Nobody who is ready for love is going to fall in love with you as fast as you do with them. (Most of us fall in love with people as fucked up as us already, so don’t bet your sanity on someone crazier because they said I love you as fast as you did. They will make it worse believe me)

I don't really understand what any of this means. It sounds like you want to talk about a personal experience you had and turn it into advice for everyone else, which is probably not a very good idea.

If you really have no romantic prospects it might be you who is the problem (make yourself as best as you can be before you blame it on everyone else. I’m still not where I want to be mentally or physically but I can’t blame anyone else)

If you want to make yourself as best as you can be before looking for a relationship then you'll be single forever. I don't agree with this advice at all. Again, why does it need to be one before the other.

Who can even say they are the best that they can be? I don't know anyone who can say that.

There is some kind of minimum floor level that you need to reach I suppose, like: not being abusive, not being a generally horrible person, that sort of thing.

But just because you aren't great doesn't mean you shouldn't date or that someone else wouldn't be happy to have you.

the third and most final problem is that you guys don’t take care of your mental or physical health. (I’m addicted to drugs, alcohol and binge eating) and even tho I’m not able to go cold Turkey on my problems I’m still slowly getting better.

Again I'm sorry but it sounds like you're making a statement about yourself. I don't know who you're talking to exactly (I don't think you do either) but if someone is here at all, they're probably in fact making some kind of effort.

I'm sorry but you sound a little confused about this stuff and I don't recommend that people take this advice.

NakedNyx · 2022-07-19T05:16:14+00:00

I just can't with this. What a weird generalization and devaluation of the efforts here to be a voice of resistance against some versions of Red Pill which is still very as relevant as it was in 2014 through today. Look around at the mess it made! 🤢 Of-fucking-course they want us to just drop stuff and move on.

People are still finding it and people are still leaving it. Most resistances go until the thing in question dies. I mean, shit, I've been in this one fight for almost 4-years and broke up with a very sexy hockey player with amazing assests to help out, so excuse me while I ride this out until my fingers bleed. 🤘🏼❤️‍🔥

"... Alone, neither of you is of any particular value. Like acids and bases, you're dangerous when mixed together. ..." -The Analyst, Matrix Resurrections

LearningInternet · 2022-07-19T13:37:17+00:00

Would you say the same to someone who couldn't make friends? "Don't focus on trying to make friends, just learn to be alone". You wouldn't because we are social animals thus we want to be recogniezed and validated by our peers. To a similar extent, the same applies to romantic/sexual relationships, we want to be validated by a romantic/sexual partners.

I think it's significantly easier to be happy without partners if you have relationship experience or people who were attracted to in you in the past as you know you can get that validation. On the contrary, it's extremely hard to not care about relationships when nobody has ever found you attractive, it really messes up with your body image and thus self-worth. There's a reason why BlackPillers keep men who have a body count of even 1 out of their community, BlackPillers do not suffer just because they are single, they suffer because nobody has ever found them attractive thus they want to keep their community a safe space for people in this kind of situation (this also explains why they focus so much on looks). As a guy who has never been a relationship and no woman has ever shown the slightest interest in, the struggle is hard. Anecdotally, I see this trend in my male friends who were forever alone in the dating world. Before they were very interested in relationships but after getting into relationships or piling up relationship experience, they have lost significantly interest in romantic relationships. Many have even developed avoidant attitudes towards relationships and have ended up consciously choosing singlehood even if they currently have options they didn't have in the past.

Abject-Entertainer57 · 2022-07-19T16:01:54+00:00

" 2. If you have no dating prospect maybe you're the reason " Wrong on so many levels , I get that there are people out there should probably fix themselves first before thinking about relationship. But there are plenty of guys out there who have stable job, responsible adult with all the trait that make him a good candidate. But just lack of social skill or ways to convey their value to woman that had them missing out on potential romantic partner.

Don't project your problem to the rest of the guys out there that are struggling. The way you say it just invalidate their feeling.

Naus1987 · 2022-07-19T16:32:48+00:00

Media has brainwashed people into thinking that a lover can fix their problems.

BOTH men and women are sold this idea. Cinderella is living a terrible life, and a man saves her from it. Flynn Rider (from Tangled) is a reckless lowlife thug, just like Aladdin until they meet a woman who convinces them to change their ways.

Additionally, lots of songs talk about having a lover 'save' them. A fairly popular song Demons, by Imagine Dragons is like that too. There's a line in there

"I can't escape this now
Unless you show me how"

And just lots of other songs like that. Lost people thinking that someone else can save them. And again, it's not just men. The whole prince Charming archetype is all about that for women.

The crazy part is that people saving each other can actually work, but both people have to have something they can give tot help another. No one can be worthless and be saved. You have to have something. Flynn Rider and Aladdin weren't useless, they were both go-getter action types. They were misguided, but they got results. A good example of why some women would go for "bad boys." It's not specifically that they're bad, but people who DO THINGS get attention.

Flynn and Aladdin as bad boys would absolutely steal or break rules to protect their family--which is a very admirable trait, even if it comes off as a bad boy personality. That's one of the biggest confusions about bad-boys. Is that context always matters. It always sucks for the victim who gets their shit stolen, but a bad boy who puts their family first is a good guy to his family.

The basic concept though, is for someone to be redeemed, they still need to have an underlying trait that can be used for good. People with problems like alcoholism, gambling, or addictions don't lend themselves to much positivity. But I'm sure a gambler who wins a lot will probably draw attention. Nuance is everything in life.

I have to add, that therapy is absolutely amazing! I come from the complete opposite end of the spectrum as most of these guys. I had abandonment and co-dependency issues. I've been in long-term relationships from age 16 to my early 30s. I thought relationships could help fix me. But I wasn't anymore happier in a relationship. It didn't fix my abandonment issues.

It wasn't until my mid 30's when I had a rough falling out did I decide I was tired of the bullshit and went straight to therapy. Why waste a year mulling over what went wrong, wasting my life when I could just see a therapist and they can fix me.

It's like if your car breaks down. You could fix it yourself. Waste all that time watching Youtube videos, buying parts, buying the wrong parts. Making mistakes, getting messy. And it all comes with a massive cost in time, energy, and frustration. But if you got the money, take it to a mechanic, go home and watch some TV. No stress, no worries. You have a professional there to fix your problem, and it'll be fixed much sooner than if you tried to "wing it."

I struggled for almost 2 decades with abandonment issues and codependency, and 6 months with a therapist cleared me right up. It's an amazing feeling to wake up and not feel that kind of anxiety.

Now I enjoy my single life. I enjoy living my best life everyday. I wake up, and I wonder which awesome hobby I'm going to enjoy. What to plan for next week? It's like that innocent joy of being a kid where every weekend is an exciting adventure. And even better, because I have the money and resources of a 30 year old. And it's all mine! No bailing exes out, no leaving work early to do her things. Life is all me!

I highly recommend therapy to anyone for anything. Even if you don't think you need it -- it's still a great experience. If therapy was free, I'd go once a week just for a check-up! Your mind is a machine just like your body. Just like your car.

Maintenance is important. And when it comes to your life. Your most important thing in the entire universe -- shouldn't it be worth it?

Title	Why do all you guys care about finding a relationship/love instead of funding solutions to your sadness
Author	dabdaddy23
Upvotes	9
Comments	15
Date	July 19, 2022 4:43 AM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/ExRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/exredpill/comments/w2jxaq/why_do_all_you_guys_care_about_finding_a/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/ExRedPill/why-do-all-you-guys-care-about-finding-a.1123898 https://theredarchive.com/post/1123898

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