Am I being gaslighted?

Ms_Tilly · 2020-01-17T21:50:02+00:00

If he's blaming you for how he's feeling just do him a favor and go.

an0nny · 2020-01-17T22:04:38+00:00

He's a narcissist and can't handle ANY critique. Your critiques brought out the LVM in him. Dump block and move on. He's trash.

drragonbones · 2020-01-17T22:08:57+00:00

Sorry hon but what is this man bringing to your the table that is your life? Seems like misery. At least he's going to a therapist, so leave him to it.

MidnightCarp · 2020-01-17T22:34:57+00:00

Sometimes it's worth it to stay with a partner who is depressed as long as he's seeking treatment - this ONLY applies to cases where he doesn't take his depression and anger out on you, though, which is exactly what your bf is doing.

And he already said he's depressed because of you, so lol he can't accuse you of leaving him when he's depressed wahh wahh. By leaving, you're taking the correct action to make him feel better based on the information he gave you, and he should thank you. Byeeee

extraacct1234 · 2020-01-17T22:49:15+00:00

Yeah you should leave him, he's a dick. He's trying to lay all his bullshit on you so you should just leave and tell him you're doing him a favor. Then he won't be able to blame you anymore. Therapy will probably only make him worse, abusive men are made worse by therapy because they get unconditional affect from the therapist which unfortunately increases their abusiveness.

MyGilleyCat · 2020-01-18T01:11:24+00:00

So he physically moved away from you and didnt want to touch or talk in that moment. He told you he is depressed (a legit mental illness) however apparently he is seeking helping for it in the form of therapy. Your response to that is to inundate him with questions demanding to know why instead of respecting a boundary and giving him a bit of space.

Do I think he handled it well? No, he shouldn't have blamed you for his shitty behaviour but I dont think this is gaslighting either, and I think when you are dealing with someone who is mentally ill you need to be hyper aware of boundaries not just regular aware of boundaries. It doesnt sound like you are.

Honestly pack your bags, this relationship does sound toxic. But sis, hes getting help for him, you should consider help for you too. If I say to a man dont touch me I dont want to talk, it means dont fucking touch me and dont ask me 100 questions. I expect that to be respected, and it needs to be shown respect also.

2020-01-18T06:18:53+00:00

I don't know about gaslighting here, but dating arrogant/cocky men is a bad idea. They are self centered and the longer you last with the more they won't care about how their actions hurt you (or even might hurt you on purpose). If he didn't want to sit and communicate with you what exactly is wrong, then don't insist. Move on and try to detach yourself from him.

AyemHerself · 2020-01-17T21:51:52+00:00

I'm not sure if gaslighting applies here but he's definitely not being fair. He strikes me as being unable to handle criticism. But I realize I'm only getting part of the story. Does he have a pattern of doing this or is his behavior recent?

It is possible he's dealing with depression. Lots of people suffer through that illness and don't handle it well, taking their issues out on other people. I'm very curious to see if he actually tackles the problem and sees a therapist tomorrow. You are perfectly within your rights to say you can't handle being treated this way, however, and him telling you that you tear him down actually gives you a great reason to separate for a while.

That being said, I think it was wrong for you to drill him for reasons to be depressed. That's not how mental illness works. Doesn't make his response any less immature, and it also means he's wrong to blame his depression on you.

RiteWriter · 2020-01-18T01:41:51+00:00

He’s deep in his shit and this will continue—don’t placate him.

Title	Am I being gaslighted?
Author	throwawayacct3489999
Upvotes	1
Comments	11
Date	January 17, 2020 8:33 PM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/eq610t/am_i_being_gaslighted/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/am-i-being-gaslighted.684605 https://theredarchive.com/post/684605

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