anyone on FDS ever struggle with codependency?

Samvanderkamp123 · 2020-11-24T01:36:49+00:00

Yes. And the cure was being single for a long time and not looking for anyone.

I’m not afraid of being single, I am right now. Once I knew I could thrive on my own, it transformed my relationships. I absolutely will not be held hostage.

This has spilled over into my work life. I don’t take shit from men at all.

I still care about people. I actually bought and delivered a big box of groceries to a coworker who has COVID today. But I don’t do these things to keep someone. I do them if I want to.

Co-dependency I believe is based on fear of abandonment. But once you face that fear, life becomes much simpler and so much easier.

whiterabbit818 · 2020-11-23T22:36:22+00:00

I definitely can but it’s hard to talk about. Still recovering from my codependent relationship of 9.5 years. Not sure where to go. I’m not ready to date or anything yet but I want to know how to do it the right way next time. I definitely get it from my parents but it’s been hard for me to see that until now. They’re still together but they’re totally codependent and also they’re codependent on their kids and just like being in drama all the time. They definitely give me a complex that struggle love is real love because their relationship is ridiculous.

I signed up for the course from “create the love” I’m not sure how I heard about it but it was about how to end codependency. But I feel bad that I haven’t actually done any of the course yet even though I paid for it.

I think there’s books on it too but haven’t read yet.

Carpedictum · 2020-11-24T01:02:45+00:00

I don’t know how you can separate that from just overall cultural programming.

Society: Getting and keeping a man is the be all, end all!

Also society: Don’t be so needy about keeping a man! You mUsT bE meNTaLly IlL!!!

Maybe we should steal the term red pill because once you see it, holy shit there’s no going back.

idiosyncraticg1 · 2020-11-24T00:04:21+00:00

I’m definitely codependent and I’m working on it. I’ve also been in a relationship with a narc as other commentators mentioned. It really fucks you up.

I make good money (usually more than the guy I’m dating), I can buy myself flowers, jewelry, anything! But when a guy starts getting me these things, driving me around, taking me to dinner, I get a little bit codependent. It’s getting better though. Work on yourself, lots of a therapy, and you will grow out of it.

Cairenne · 2020-11-23T23:56:12+00:00

I can relate, but I don't often talk about it. My first boyfriend was a narc, I had 9 years with him and that was very codependent. It's been some time since then, and I'm largely out of the habits now. It hung on longest in my friendships.

The hard thing, I think, is not being clear at first on what healthy looked like.

vardebi · 2020-11-24T02:15:54+00:00

Yep, it's why I find narcissists so attractive.

Ghost_namesake · 2020-11-24T03:36:36+00:00

Yes. I'm doing a lot better now that I'm single and not dating atm. I need to learn to set proper boundaries and find what I actually like first.

_NotWellBitch · 2020-11-24T23:08:06+00:00

yup :( i’m a serial monogamist, and tend to take whoever comes to me instead of waiting for someone who fits my standards. i used to need people so badly that i could only break up when i had another person lined up as a crutch. this is my first time ending things with someone without a specific guy in line, and it’s been really freeing. i’m working on finding people i actually want to date and not just accepting whoever wants me, and being able to walk away when someone isn’t meeting my needs.

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