Asked out by the same guy twice: please help me FDS, you’re my only hope.

whiskey_and_oreos · 2022-04-14T17:41:19+00:00

Your gut is on point. He tried to do a bait and switch with the "let's hang out as friends" line and turning around and asking you out. Men only keep women around as orbiters if they want to fuck and don't realize we don't do the same. As you said, you kept him around in a professional context, but he read that and the emotional support as you being potentially DTF. If he wanted to ask you on a proper date he would have in the first place, so he's probably just looking for a low effort casual hookup situationship but bumped up the effort a tiny bit because it didn't work the first time.

ConstantNurse · 2022-04-14T19:02:18+00:00

This guy is trying his best to manipulate you into a relationship. Your previous experiences with a shitty ex is noticing similar traits with this guy.

Red flag number one was using “Just friends” to get you to go with him alone. You caught on right away and told him no. The fact that he tried to deceive you to do is covert gaslighting. Because had the “non-date” date been bad, he would have been quick to about face and state “It wasn’t a date. Did you think it was a date???”

Red flag number two is him using losses to try to get you to go on a date. Keep in mind that if he is willing to emotionally manipulate you like that in order to get the response he wants from you, it sets an early precedent of how the relationship will be should you choose to pick it up.

It’s frustrating to you because he is not only disrespecting your choices but also makes you feel objectified because he only sees you as a date conquest. I’ve had this happen on many different occasions and if the guy was persistent like this dude is, I blocked and deleted.

For the record, there is nothing wrong if someone does not want to be friends and only wants to date. However, if they refuse to accept “No.” after they ask the person out, then they are crossing into potential abuser/stalker territory.

You are right to be concerned and I would distance myself from this guy as much as possible.

2ndMrsDeWinter · 2022-04-14T19:03:51+00:00

From your post, it sounds like he's made you feel confused, suspicious, and frustrated. I'd say trust your gut on this one and next him. The right person for you won't make you feel confused, suspicious, and frustrated before your first official date.

warinmymind94 · 2022-04-14T19:05:36+00:00

You knew from the start he wanted more. Straight men are never just your "friend" it's their attempt to get ammo or leverage a situation to get the out of his league girl to fall in love with him. Lvm think they can make you like them via wearing you down lol.

You need to create distance with this man if you can't delete/block him. Sounds like he's a work type of scrote so the best exit since you'll still have to bump into him is to slowly and carefully fade out - start loosing interest, keep your responses amd chat "dry" when you see him irl, ad for texting do the same ignore his messages and just give dry, impersonal answers. If you do talk, keep it on a business only level - very to the point. Don't share, feelings, stories, tips, or vents to him. Slowly fading out is safer for you often they don't notice and it helps not trigger psycho stalking men.

Since he keeps posting you for dates tell him a bland excuse "I just have a lot on my plate right now, no thanks" or "im just trying to focus on my work / get through school / I prefer to keep things on a professional work level between us". Short and sweet. You don't need to coddle him or tell him he's nice but... he just needs that clear rejection and saying you're any of the above will reduce his questioning and efforts.

Remove yourself from letting him vent you are not a therapist and it creates false intimacy. If he tries just say "I really can't talk right now, / I have to go run an errand / that sucks but listen my moms calling / etc"

thewetdog_ · 2022-04-14T19:29:37+00:00

AskFDS

thowawaywookie · 2022-04-14T19:33:14+00:00

I'd delete and block him. I've found it doesn't pay to comfort men. They see it as a sign to make a move. If not that, to use you for free labor.

Title	Asked out by the same guy twice: please help me FDS, you’re my only hope.
Author	2ndMrsDeWinter
Upvotes	26
Comments	15
Date	April 14, 2022 5:32 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/u3msrd/asked_out_by_the_same_guy_twice_please_help_me/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/asked-out-by-the-same-guy-twice-please-help-me-fds.1210166 https://theredarchive.com/post/1210166

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