I’ll try to make this short. I met a man on ok Cupid. We hit it off. He has a daughter, priorities in check. From what I’ve seen so far, finances are decent. He can care for himself blah blah. We have gone on about 7 dates as of this Sunday. We began talking via OLD on July 1st. So it hasn’t quite even been 2 months let alone the 3 months minimum that is commonly said to be the wait period to have PIV or accept the man to be your bf.

Everything was going well. He is extremely charming. He listens to me (for example if I mention that I want waffles, we will get waffles for our next date. Or because I’m a vegetarian he found very nice vegan places for us to buy our meal from. And he’s learning how to cook vegetarian food for me in hopes that I will let him cook for me one day once we are dating and more comfortable with each other) Know most of you guys say no dating during covid. I get it. No one of high value is dating right now. I get it, got it. I really don’t need that kind of lecture right now. We did covid friendly dates that he still had to pay for. We didn’t just go on walks in the park. I’m saying all this to say that he is a great guy to date and continues to be so.

I’m the one that screwed up.

This Sunday we had a morning date and afterwards I went to work. I got a call from my mother to come home immediately because something bad happened to my niece. (I feel like my niece is my daughter and we have a super deep bond more than she has with most people.) my niece is a preteen also. So I rush home, and one of the worst things that can happen to anyone but especially a woman has happened to my niece. I literally lose my marbles. My family had to Lock me in a room for awhile otherwise I would of committed a crime and made everything worse. (I’m going somewhere with this) Once I promise that I’m not going to commit any crimes and let the justice system to do it’s job my family let’s me go and I call the man I’m dating and tell him I need to meet immediately. I actually drive 45 minutes to see him because I didn’t want to wait for him to find a sitter for his daughter and drive to me. We sit outside his house and talk. And I don’t tell him What happened to my niece but I tell what’s happened to be several times in my life and how I’m so triggered and Out of it. (I was so out of it I left my purse and my id, all my money and my cards, and my house key at my family’s house. I didn’t have anything but my car and my car keys. And I was 45 minutes away from Home)

We ended up inside his house which I told myself it was too early to do up until this time but I wouldn’t even like be alone because memories of my past just kept hitting me over and over and I’d break down. We cuddled on his couch and watched tv for several hours and I finally fell asleep. When I woke up I told him I was uncomfortable and wanted to lay down. So we layed in his bed and slept through the night. In the morning I felt better and somewhat unhinged but overall more reasonable. We flirted in bed a bit and one thing led to another and we had sex. He’s the second guy I’ve ever been with and I immediately felt really disappointed in myself.

I had to go to work so I ended up leaving about an hour after we had sex and I’ve just felt like I’ve ruined the whole process of FDS dating because I wasn’t mentally thinking straight and threw caution to the wind.

He’s fine and is being as sweet as ever but the issue is with me. I feel like I’ve messed up and I’m afraid that by having sex with him early and not making our sexual relationship a special thing that was planned and agreed on rationally on both sides that I may have taught him that I don’t require much effort or something. I’m waiting on the other shoe to drop now and honestly I’ve withdrawn from Him a lot and he is reaching out to me and trying to still be a wonderful person.

Any thoughts or advice would be lovely as I’m just confused and afraid.

(Please don’t lecture me about Covid dating.)

Edit: Grammar and sorry my phone randomly capitalizes words at times.

Edit: something I’d like to add, I do not think he is an opportunist that took advantage of me in my mental state. I didn’t post this before but he was like “I don’t think it’s a good idea” I told him I wanted to. He asked me if I was sure about 6 times. Each time I told I wanted to continue. He could of strong armed me into not having sex because of my mental state but at the same time, it was my choice to make. I made it (a stupid choice that I instantly regretted) and he didn’t take away my right make that choice, good or bad. It’s a really big gray area in my mind and I don’t think he’s bad for doing it or not doing it. I think him asking me if I’m sure so much shows he cared and wasn’t just jumping into my trauma to get off.