Do I lose all the weight before dating again?

MelatoninNightmares · 2020-01-06T17:52:20+00:00

I'd say yes. Not because you need to be thin to date, but because confidence and knowing your worth will keep you safe. Low self-esteem and insecurity is easily exploited by manipulative fuckboys. And, unfortunately, a lot of them will assume you have low self-esteem off the bat if you're overweight, and jump right into the manipulation.

If this is what you need to feel confident and know your worth, then don't date until you reach that goal. But also, spend the time working on your self-esteem in other ways. Your worth isn't defined by external factors like weight. You deserve someone who treats you well no matter what you look like, no matter what you weigh.

aclumsygirl · 2020-01-06T19:37:28+00:00

You should absolutely wait until you feel good about yourself again-- regardless of what weight that ends up being. Dating with low self esteem/ low confidence is the path to disaster.

Upper-Jaguar · 2020-01-07T00:08:58+00:00

I would recommend taking a solid year off just to lose the weight but to also pamper yourself, maybe on the weekends you read books you like or you go to new places for hikes. I was always attractive but I definitely gained 15 pounds which doesn't sound like a lot but it's noticeable and I do show a lot of weight in my face. I was fucking tired of being constantly rejected for a relationship because I wasn't "my best" physically. If I was going to be rejected, it was going to be for my personality. It was very disempowering to have even ONE guy treat me less than just because he thought I was physically not the best he could get. It's different if you start out hot and then maybe gain some weight with pregnancy, of course we want men who treat us with respect no matter what we weigh, but nothing was more insulting or disempowering than knowing that I was an attractive woman deep down but just needed to lose a little weight. Men really shape up and treat you well if you look fucking hot which at first made me resentful but I would rather be hot and resentful than having attractive guys thinking they could just use me for sex but would never date me. maybe I just got bitter from that one single guy but even one guy is enough to make your head burn with shame and anger for 5 fucking months. it made me so angry because I knew that that's the same guy who would go fucking crazy for me once I got a little bit back in shape.

Just don't subject yourself to potential rejection based on your body because it will make you feel fucking worthless because men truly are extremely visual. Just take care of yourself maybe get a pet give yourself a nice bath, I think I read probably 50 books, and when I started dating again now I have a tall strong handsome boyfriend who thinks I'm "super hot" and I feel good about myself versus subjecting myself to a dating pool where some dweeb asks me "so do you like to exercise?" And "wow! That's a big portion!" (as if a large portion of chicken and vegetables will make you fat go fuck yourself).

Sometimes I even catch myself doing it- maybe if I went on a date with a guy who is pretty skinny I will be thinking "can't you go to the gym?" I know it sounds bad but people are judging you and it's nice and you feel bulletproof and you feel hot and you feel high value when you KNOW you won't be rejected based on your body. I think it's a biological drive too to be attracted to healthy fit bodies. even when you are in shape you will still be able to tell who's superficial because the non superficial guys will be asking you about your hobbies and your family etc. Not just "wohhh ur so hot" constantly grabbing you.

raindampened · 2020-01-06T18:15:12+00:00

as someone halfway into their own weightloss journey I would say yes you should wait if your self esteem is not steel solid. unfortunately LVM are sooo drawn to overweight girls bc they think that they are so insecure that they will easily give in which is unfortunately true in a way (I used to be like that).

another thing is that HVM, who look good and are fit, will probably except the same from their girlfriends. so unfortunately there is an even smaller circle of HVM for us overweight girls.

but if you are confident af and certain of yourself, that you know you deserve a HVM regardless of your weight go for it. bc that way dating won't hurt you.

but unfortunately otherwise I wouldn't recommend dating while being overweight sorry =/ it's just too hard and it's rare to find a HVM and him to be in a similar weight category as you and still looks good, that feels nearly impossible.

idk maybe I'm too concentrated on looks bc I'm trying my best to improve my own looks bc it has been in the way of my dating life for so fucking long lol (since my teens).

Unable_Caterpillar · 2020-01-07T07:23:38+00:00

Completely different opinion from everyone else—no, don’t wait. Don’t wait to buy clothes, don’t wait to do your makeup the way you like, etc. Because life doesn’t wait. Your life is now, not 40 lbs from now. Get your confidence now, and work towards your weight loss goal in the longer term. Don’t let your weight define you or what think you deserve.

Google “the fantasy of being thin.” I’ll say at this time that I am currently fat, but in my early 20s I lost well over 100 lbs. It did NOTHING to solve my problems, except the minor problem of being able to walk into any store and buy clothes.

Then I gained it all back, after a year. The entire year I was thin I dreamt of food constantly. By the way I’m not a lazy person. I don’t give up easily. I have a PhD. Writing my dissertation required insane self-discipline.

But long term weight loss is more rare than quitting a chemical addiction like nicotine. I’m not trying to be a Debbie Downer, but you should be prepared for the possibility you will gain it all back, and then MORE. This is the norm. Do not go in thinking you’re the exception. I thought that. We all think that. 95% of us are wrong.

Reddit (and the world, honestly) is incredibly fatphobic. Read Kate Harding’s old blog (should pop up when you google “the fantasy of being thin”). Read Lindy West. Maybe even read Captain Awkward, but ignore her suggestions that you ask men out (naw).

I say this even though I will probably get ignored or downvoted because fat and chubby girls need to know they’re worthy. Society is wrong on this one. Reddit is wrong on this one.

nruthh · 2020-01-07T00:19:22+00:00

I'd say yes.

My weight fluctuated a lot this last year, and I know I allowed bullshit from men that I wouldn't have allowed otherwise if I had been more confident. The thing about low self-esteem is that you don't always know you're doing it in the moment, until much later, you know?

I don't believe that you have to think you're Adriana Lima to date; but looking in the mirror and liking what you see will only help, not hinder, your dating. Plus, sex when you like your body vs when you're insecure about it?? A whole new thing, on god.

Good luck on the weight loss, and congrats on the 14 so far!

Title	Do I lose all the weight before dating again?
Author	hawkwind12345
Upvotes	29
Comments	17
Date	January 6, 2020 12:03 PM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/ekt9bf/do_i_lose_all_the_weight_before_dating_again/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/do-i-lose-all-the-weight-before-dating-again.685455 https://theredarchive.com/post/685455

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