I've been in therapy since January. I found FDS in late February, early March. Today I had a phone session (due to pandemic) and my therapist ended the call by congratulating me on the work I'm doing and told me to keep it up. By no means am I fully healed. I was in an emotionally abusive relationship with a narcissist addict for six years. I tried to leave him once and he sucked me back in. Then six months after we "completed" couples counseling he started punching stuff and I left for good. That was the first step in me loving myself more than giving in to my want to be loved by someone else.

It's been a little over a year since I left him. Yesterday would have been our first wedding anniversary. I've had ups and downs but the most tangible progress I have made has been in the three months since I found this sub. I've decided that I am going to become a HVW so I can be with a HVM. Because I deserve everything I choose to give myself in life. My entire adult life up to this point I didn't think I deserved anything. I thought I existed to please whatever man would give me the time of day. This sub has helped me to realize that I AM THE PRIZE. I am amazing and the men I wasted my twenties on with serial monogamy didn't deserve to breathe the same air as me let alone enjoy the life I delivered on a silver platter with a smile on my face just for them.

To acheive the necessary mindset shift, I've been educating myself. Obviously I read this sub daily and it has been a huge part of the changes in my attitude and thinking. I also started using audible which has been life changing. Now I can do two to three books per week instead of maybe one per month.

The first book that made a massive difference and really helped me to align with FDS principles was the newer version of "The Rules". Self explanatory. I also did "The Easy Way to Quit Smoking for Women" by Allen Carr. Worked like a charm, I'm now a non smoker. This fact alone has done wonders for my mindset. I know now I can do the things I say I'm going to do and that I will show up for myself. In this shift, I now hold myself to a higher standard as well as the people in my life. If they're not going to show up for me the way I would show up for them I consider if that is a relationship I need to continue. Applying this to platonic relationships is practice for dating.

I'm not actively dating yet. I'm doing what I need to do to be the kind of woman that will be with the kind of man I want to be with. Holding myself to the standards I will hold for him. Quitting smoking, working out daily, eating clean 80% of the time, these are things I want in a partner, so I need to be doing them too. As I'm doing them consistently my mindset is changing. I know I can expect better. Doing better for me allows me to expect better for me from other people. I am practicing enforcing boundaries. I am working on my life and leveling up my finances and career. I am setting realistic goals and enjoying the accomplishment of the daily habits that will help me reach them. (I highly recommend reading Atomic Habits and Off the Clock)

The last thing I want to say (and thank you if you've made it this far) is that I believe doing these things will lead me to the partner relationship I want. At my age and what I've put myself through, I am realistic. The traditional marriage, kids, white picket fence bit may not happen for me. I may never find my HVM. I have accepted this. I have grieved fully the loss of my best fertile years to LVM. But I still have hope. I still write and daydream about my HVM, my future husband. Sometimes this sub gets a little negative about the prospect of finding an HVM. But this is a DATING strategy and I will not give up hope. I am doing the work that I am doing because I want and need to do it for me. Because I deserve to give myself the kind of life I want to have. But I still believe that there is a partner for me who will meet me where I'm at and it will be amazing. I WAS being met where I was at before, and I never wanna be there again. But now I know better and I'm doing better. And if the man for me comes into my life, I will be ready because I've been doing the work.