Drag me. Help me. Empathize. Whatever. I need to get out of my head.

southeastcheese · 2019-11-25T17:09:14+00:00

Make a contract for yourself and literally sign it in pen: "I will not seek any information on these individuals, via social media or otherwise, for 30 days. No matter how tempting, no matter if their names pop up on my timeline, no matter if someone else asks me to or hints at news about them." Tell one trusted friend about it and give them a copy. Swear to them that you will tell them if you look up these two people in any way. If you succumb and don't hit 30 days, start over again with another contract and tell your friend you're starting over. When you feel tempted, replace the behavior with something else, like ten jumping jacks or getting a cup of water. It worked for me and might work for you too.

IHatePumpkinSpice6 · 2019-11-25T16:36:08+00:00

First and foremost, of course it hurts. To the core. Being discarded like that is a huge blow to the ego (because he ain't shit and we know it) and also painful because we make it about us (what am I lacking?).

The truth that you'll eventually come to see and believe is that the only thing "wrong" with you is that you didn't respect yourself enough and gave your power away. His limitations are NOT a reflection of your worth. His unavailability is not a reflection of your desirability. You were after something he is incapable of delivering.

This other woman, it's not that she's inherently more worthy than you are or better than you. He's not a changed man because of her. It's that they're both unavailable and playing a game. Whereas you seemed to give yourself away easily thereby driving him away, she's keeping him chasing. That just tells me she's not what he's after, it's the feeling of not having what he wants and needing to conquer. He'll either be done with her eventually once he "wins" (there are no winners in this game) or he'll be perpetually chasing. Either way, it's not about connection or love, it's about ego, validation, and control.

TheObservationalist · 2019-11-25T22:03:32+00:00

Went through something like this when I was younger. Much younger lol. Wasted nearly a year of my life being strung along by a guy who 'just needed time to figure things out', 'liked me but wasn't sure how', 'wanted to take things slow...'...I, being a 21 year old moron, went along with all this imagining I could win him over, bring him around. Fucking lulz. So then he told me he'd met a girl he liked and he wasn't going to see me anymore. At first I was sad, but not that sad, but then I found out that not even a week later he'd taken this girl to meet his friends and parents (something he'd never done with me). I was crushed. Felt so worthless and defective and stupid. Took a long time to get over it. But not quite a year after that, I met a my now husband, and it's been 7 years since then. Original guy is marrying that girl next year. The lesson is, you're not everyone's cup of tea. Sometimes people have stronger feelings for a particular person than others and there's nothing to do about it but forget about them, and find someone who feels that strongly about YOU.

onemoredaydream · 2019-11-25T21:28:08+00:00

BLOCK HIM!! IMMEDIATELY! If you can't commit to even that, how are you ever going to get over him?

Rip off the bandaid, sister. Block!

The way he treated you, you will not be able to get back with him or even talk with him until he apologizes. Not while maintaining your self-respect. If you can't even respect yourself, how can you ever expect him to?

You need to take that part of your pride that is hurting and use that as fuel you get yourself stronger. Take it as inspiration for becoming more like the person you want to be.

It's understandable that you'll think about him, but you will NEVER get over him if you keep seeking out new information about him and watching his every move. Every time you seek out info about him, you are making your pain last longer. Think of it like a poison ivy rash - yes it's prickly, painful, and uncomfortable, but if you scratch it it will become a million times worse.

Wonderrednow · 2019-11-25T16:25:22+00:00

I want to tell you to lay off the social media but if be lying if I said I didn't do that sometimes...

The-Sinner-Lady · 2019-11-25T17:20:10+00:00

You know the answer already: block him. Delete all social media, if you have to. You just need to get off your ass and do it; get a friend to do so it for you, even. It’s like ripping off a band aid—it’s gonna hurt like hell but it needs to be done.

This isn’t an insta-fix, mind you, but if you want to get better, it’s absolutely necessary to your mental health and well-being that you surround yourself with as little reminders of him as possible. Bombarding yourself with images and updates of him on social media will only make you feel worse.

I had an ex who dumped me in a similar way. It sucks ass because you still care and wonder about a person who treated you like shit. It’s fucking frustrating. But know that it doesn’t speak badly about you, it simply means you cared deeply about someone.

The questions, the wondering will come and go; but remind yourself constantly that it doesn’t matter. Literally, every time a question pops up, tell yourself, “Who gives a shit? Not me,” and change the subject.

You just have to come to terms with some questions being unanswered, and ultimately unimportant. That’s closure. You aren’t together, so his motivations or reasonings or behavior has nothing to do with you or your life.

Best advice I can give you, is to focus on you.

turquoiseblues · 2019-11-26T00:27:39+00:00

This is not about him. This is about you, and what's going on in your life, your mind, your past. It seems as though it's about him but, trust us, it's not. You're at the core of this obsession. There are things you don't want to think about, because they're too painful, so you're focusing on the compelling distraction of this assclown instead.

Figure out what this obsession is really about (your family? your past? your career? your finances? your body/appearance?)—and work on that.

jewdy09 · 2019-11-26T07:40:52+00:00

Remember the last time it felt like this after something ended? Remember all that pain and feeling sorry for yourself you experienced? How do you feel about that dude now? Couldn’t possibly care less?

You will feel this way about this situation in the future too. Mentally transport yourself to this time. Every time you start to spiral, take yourself into the future where you no longer care.

Leveling up requires discipline. Don’t allow yourself to indulge in behaviors that don’t serve you. Level up!

throwawayu · 2019-11-25T19:29:47+00:00

Seems like she is using the FDS strategy to make him chase her. Maybe she is not having sex with him too which is making him chase her still. (my guess) Anyways this guy looks like one of those who is just looking to get laid with different women for fun. More the merrier for him. So if he is chasing someone its probably for the same reason. The sooner you think like this the better for you to understand that guys like these will never be truly attracted to anyone, just only till they get what they want. So no use trying to figure him out, he is not worth it at all. You deserve better and will get someone the moment you stop thinking about him.

Title	Drag me. Help me. Empathize. Whatever. I need to get out of my head.
Author	IHatePumpkinSpice6
Upvotes	22
Comments	16
Date	November 25, 2019 11:31 AM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/e1esxl/drag_me_help_me_empathize_whatever_i_need_to_get/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/drag-me-help-me-empathize-whatever-i-need-to-get.687945 https://theredarchive.com/post/687945

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