Getting married early?

ThicThighzSavesLivez · 2020-08-05T17:36:38+00:00

Don’t do it!!! You’re 30 year old self will thank you later for it. Right now, you can’t possibly fathom how much your personality, wants, and desires will change from now until you become a full adult (around/after 30 years old). You’ll end up putting yourself in a situation that you can’t easily change (kids, husband, paying a mortgage, worrying about childcare, life insurance).

Being asked to marry someone may seem cute and grown up, but it’s so much more work and far more permanent a lifestyle than you can conceptualize. The idea of “happily together” is far more a burden than you can realize at this age. It’s easy to be flattered by the idea of it, but don’t do it. Trust me. Been there done that, and I wish I never had done it so goddamn early. Plus, you will be wasting your youth. You have no worries right now, enjoy it. Date people, go out with friends, explore to discover the woman you will eventually become, have a girls night out...these are all things you can’t do when married. Please please don’t do it.

painmakesyoustronger · 2020-08-05T17:49:20+00:00

Don’t do it. I got married to my first boyfriend at the age of 24 (we were together since I was 20). By 27, he decided I wasn’t what he wanted anymore and divorced me. There’s more to our story, he was a total LVM that refused to pay rent as a 32 year old man and had alcoholism, and I held him to a standard he couldn’t fulfill, but the point is...

You need to GROW in your 20s. Not be married. You don’t need to prove you’re lovable or grown up to anyone (much less yourself) by tying yourself legally to a mere boy right out of your parents house.

Become a fully functioning adult first. Discover who you are first. Practice independence first. Get a real job first! Have your own place first.

It will also increase the likelihood that you will have children in your early 20s. And then one day he may decide he wants to know what another woman feels like. If he can get a new one while he still looks young. You’ll be sharing custody with him and his new girlfriend or wife. You will never know what it’s like to live for yourself. To have freedom. You’ll be too busy raising his kids and cleaning up after him while he tries to maintain his independence as a “young man” (probably by playing video games and hanging with the boys).

Just my 2c.

Do what you want, but I’d wait til you’re in your late 20s.

You can’t fully take back a marriage, if things don’t go as planned. You will always be a divorcee. You will have to account for him when you do important paperwork such as a passport, new marriage license, etc.

Take it or leave it, but these are some possibilities. I never had kids, and am so grateful for that, because I couldn’t imagine having to see my ex husband all the time.

Ask yourself:

Can he PROVIDE for you both?

Can he afford a home for you to share?

Can he provide for himself?

Are his finances in order? Does he have great credit? Does he have any credit?

Is he ready to be a husband?

Does he share your lifelong goals?

Do you even know what yours are at this age?

They may very well change in your 20s.

Being a husband entails way more than putting a ring on your finger.

dntbfllikeidid · 2020-08-05T18:12:44+00:00

I was married at 23 and I wish someone had stopped me then and that I could take that back. Please DON’T DO IT!!

PS: The human brain doesn’t fully develop until at least 25 years of age.

Edit: extra words

EclecticBarbarella · 2020-08-05T17:39:20+00:00

Just because he’s looking doesn’t mean it’s going to happen right now. He would (hopefully) want to find a perfect ring and save up for it, which could still be awhile down the line. If you’re not out of high school yet, you have no idea what you haven’t experienced yet. I also wanted to marry my high school bf and looking back I am so glad I didn’t. If he’s meant to be and you guys are forever, there shouldn’t be a rush at your age. Putting a ring on it isn’t going to lock him down or fix any issues, it’s just going to make it more expensive to legally break up. Take your time.

ManchurianCantaloupe · 2020-08-05T17:54:16+00:00

Bad idea. Bad, bad, baaaaad idea.

First of all, you both need to be on the same page about the timing. The fact that he told you one thing and is seemingly changing the plan without discussing it with you is a red flag. Don't just say yes because he's proposing. The fact that a man is proposing shouldn't be the surprise. You need to have agreed upon at least a general idea of the timeline. The surprise is supposed to be how he proposes.

You're going to change so much in the next few years. If you could truly comprehend how different your outlook and life is going to be in the next few years, it would make your head spin. You've been dating this guy for less than a year. At your age, that's nowhere near long enough. At your age, I thought my boyfriend was perfect. I thought I wanted to be with him forever. If I had married him, I would have jumped off a bridge.

The overwhelming majority of people who get married before 30 end up divorced. Do NOT get married before your frontal lobe is fully developed at the earliest.

Phoenix__Rising2018 · 2020-08-05T18:16:42+00:00

If you get married before the age of 25 your marriage has almost a 0% statistical success rate.

I'm not joking. That was an actual study.

The most important things for a successful marriage statistically are both you and your partner being college-educated, having good careers, having good wages, and being older.

MsPetty_Roosevelt · 2020-08-05T22:50:00+00:00

Don't do it. Don't even live together. Get a place with girlfriends or stay on campus. Have a college experience, and enjoy your teens & 20s. Have a life outside of him.

loudest_gusset · 2020-08-05T18:02:22+00:00

You are young, and it's definitely best to not get married so soon. That being said, just because he's looking, doesn't mean he's planning on proposing any time soon. He could just be fantasizing and thinking about the future. I shop for apartments in random parts of the world for fun and plan out what my bills and expenses would be like, but I'm not actually planning on moving to Monaco for example. Sometimes fantasizing is just a fun exercise to pass the time. I wouldn't be too worried, but if he does propose, prepare for the conversation and don't go through with it. You're still young, so in your case waiting 5 years or so for marriage is not a bad thing. I would be more inclined to accept a proposal after 1 year after around age 25-26 where relationships tend to mature much more quickly than a relationship at 17-18 would.

IAmGoingToBeBetter · 2020-08-06T01:00:18+00:00

Please don’t say yes if he proposes. You’re so young! You need time to grow and figure out what you want in life. I know that I was still trying to figures things out when I was 18. Hell, I’m still trying to figure things out!

2020-08-05T22:33:30+00:00

Successful marriage is between functional adults with years of experience of navigating the world unsupervised. Children are not raised like that anymore. They don’t go in public by themselves, work for others or do much of anything that isn’t monitored in some fashion by an authority. They are children and the expectations are way less than adults. They don’t cook or clean or manage their lives . They are not really allowed to develop skills that confer responsibility and build confidence and emotional intelligence.

Unless you both by some set of extraordinary circumstances have a successful work histories using the earnings for necessities like transportation, phone, insurance or education related costs- or are saving for adult success items like education, initial housing costs or an emergency savings account- it’s a big fat no to early marriage.

Adult life is also filled with choices and constant decision making. If your experience with decisions are low risk things like what flavor to eat or what returnable, fully refundable item to buy you are just not prepared to create and sustain a marriage.

40+ years ago when early marriage was common the newlyweds had lots adult experience because they were allowed to wander the world by themselves from a very young age and pocket money jobs like babysitting, delivering newspapers or yard work was something the 9-12 year old set did. By high school, after school jobs were normal and so was buying your own car. These newlyweds had spent their developing years being mini adults living in a teen age bubble that in many ways replicated the experience of being an adult.

But here’s the thing. Even though they knew how to adult and all those years ago things like housing and living wage jobs were low barrier- young married couples struggled with emotional intelligence and maturity. And interestingly enough, nowadays longtime marriages of 40 or 50 years are now trending into a phenomenon called “grey divorce” . The women half of these relationships are overwhelmingly filing for divorce because they don’t want to live their remaining years as a wife. So basically my point is that the young marriage examples of the past are not relevant to your situation.

Finally that you’re spying on his history instead of discussing marriage together, making a solid plan and then working through it together to earn the necessary items and build a functional partnership? You’re not even near ready. Marriage is way more than Internet searches. It’s way more than saving for a ring.

yourealibra · 2020-08-06T12:03:15+00:00

Teenagers who’ve been together under a year - what could go wrong?

Title	Getting married early?
Author	Ugythrowaway123
Upvotes	9
Comments	13
Date	August 5, 2020 5:27 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/i49n2e/getting_married_early/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/getting-married-early.721928 https://theredarchive.com/post/721928

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