So... I’m a virgin and I started exploring my sexuality a few months ago. Which meant watching porn and having my first orgasm. But also... exploring some darker things that I definitely would NOT be into in real life.

I don’t know why I have these fantasies, but I didn’t used to. It used to be vanilla and loving, usually about people I had crushes on.

I’ve changed a lot, and have started to fantasise about sex as more of a physical thing than an emotional one. This is partly because I don’t have any crushes at the moment and have decided to just focus on myself.

But now vanilla/ romantic sex seems boring and I keep getting off to weird shit. I’ve lowered my porn intake but now I just fantasise about this shit instead.

I don’t even know if I should describe it. I don’t want to be hit, but I fantasise about “CNC” if you could call it that 🤮

But the thought of it actually happening makes me sick to my stomach.

I think because I’m so open and accepting of sex it almost makes it boring? Like I don’t see regular sex as taboo or “naughty” so I seek out stuff that is.

How can I be in touch with my sexuality while also not having disturbing fantasies? Should I just stop masterbating for a while?