How do I (21F) stop myself from wanting his attention?

MariaDolorosa · 2020-01-15T08:57:07+00:00

Honestly, this is likely to happen in FWB situations. I was mentioning this in a previous post. It might not even be that you see a serious relationship with him but something about him sleeping with you but not being in love with you has gotten to you. Totally normal and why I really don’t recommend casual relationships. It deeply hurts our self-esteem. It’s like “how could he possibly not want me? He seems to at times but then doesn’t. It’s unfair.”

Be kind to yourself and give yourself time. Learn from this experience so that it doesn’t happen again. A rebound WON’T help. Nor will trying to make him jealous, etc. Nothing petty. Just admit that you’re hurt and that it’s fair enough to be. Often refusing to face the pain is what keeps us from getting over it.

It’s natural to want to be desired and want attention. You’re not wrong for that. It just starts getting messy when we think we’ll get more attention and desire from men by sleeping with them. Never works that way. I’m starting to think that it’s a myth created to make women sleep with men before he’s willing to commit.

I transfer my ‘game-playing’ energy now into being desirable as I see it. Not how a man might see it. Way more fun and happens to be quite effective.

2020-01-15T07:54:51+00:00

Sis, you gotta live your best life, find somethings you enjoy, and start to do them

FemclFleshBeckyBones · 2020-01-15T15:42:11+00:00

Block his ass on every social media account you're connected to. Put the phone down and invest time in interests and hobbies that take you away from online stuff. Use this time and nervous energy to level up in some way... at the gym, art work, in school, etc.

munakhtyler · 2020-01-15T17:13:00+00:00

We're not dating, friends (sort of), he was my FWB but called it off cuz I caught feelings which I am trying to get rid of.

He's using you for sex. He doesn't deserve your attention, he needs to be the one chasing YOU!!!

RiteWriter · 2020-01-15T08:06:55+00:00

I’m in this position too. I got clingy af because he’d come around and ask what’s wrong when I was leaving or taking a break and would say why. Thing is that we were not fwb to begin but he switched things up as there was a stagnant period where I chased and got mad he’d want to talk on his time. Girl I left voicemails and texts and over apologized because yeah — ugh — I had also opened up and asked honestly what was happening in a fair tone first. Mind fuck—mind fucking myself too. Honestly—take the space. Let go. We have to move on. I told him I missed him and what I needed and left it at that. Pickmeisha yes but it’s done.

Cheeseburgers89 · 2020-01-15T14:28:23+00:00

You might have an anxious attachment style.. google attachment styles. I read a book called attached by Amir Levine recently and it explains this.. I now understand that anxious types can be draw in by avoidant types more than by secure types.. it creates a mental trap.. and if he’s a secure type, you usually won’t find yourself needing to ask yourself how to stop wanting his attention :)

2020-01-15T23:12:23+00:00

By not wanting the attention of anyone. Seriously. Take all of that wanted attention, and literally give it to yourself. What does this mean? Stop posting on Instagram/Snapchat stories, maybe even social media as a whole, for a time. If you said you kept doing this only to get attention, then all the more reason to stop for now.

ifyurboredyurboring · 2020-01-15T18:44:17+00:00

yea just don’t create a situation where you’re monitoring his attention. another poster made this comment elsewhere but honestly — they ALWAYS come back. put a pin in it — focus on making yourself the best version of yourself you can be.

cannedboelyn · 2020-01-17T07:10:55+00:00

I’m not one to give advice as I was recently trying to get a loser’s attention, but think about it this way: do you think he would be doing the same thing for you?

Also, it helps to write down in a journal your behavior and how it made you feel. Did posting on social media make you feel great? At the end of day, you are faced with your feelings of what you do.

Also you guys were fwb and he called it off. Do you really want to continue to waste energy on a guy trying to get his attention? Is he putting any effort into you?

How do you feel when you continue to get his attention? Write it down

Title	How do I (21F) stop myself from wanting his attention?
Author	sarcasick
Upvotes	17
Comments	13
Date	January 15, 2020 7:53 AM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/eozelh/how_do_i_21f_stop_myself_from_wanting_his/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/how-do-i-21f-stop-myself-from-wanting-his.684793 https://theredarchive.com/post/684793

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