How do I justify having men pay for me?

CoolMelonade · 2019-12-08T17:13:04+00:00

Your risk as a woman dealing with men is always higher than the reverse. We expect men to even the playing field by contributing more upfront.

https://www.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/d22vzv/given_that_the_risks_of_sex_are_way_higher_and/

Secondly, it weeds out RedPill losers who just want to spin plates. These guys rely on the fact that women go Dutch to afford their player “lifestyle”.

https://www.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/e4rf8f/the_type_of_men_who_wont_pay_for_dinner/

kaizentigerr · 2019-12-08T19:40:12+00:00

The truth of a matter is that when a man pays for you it largely signifies that he is willing to invest in you and that he genuinely likes you. Among other things it signifies that he is a gentleman and a romantic, which are traits I look for in a partner. If you don’t care about those things then him paying shouldn’t matter I suppose. I’m not entitled to him paying for my meal, but I do use it as a filter. If he doesn’t pay, to me that’s a huge red flag and suggests incompatibility.

Eltrajeazulito · 2019-12-08T17:14:14+00:00

[deleted]

MyGilleyCat · 2019-12-09T00:01:50+00:00

HVM are able to take the wheel and have no problem doing it. Like I know I can take the wheel and run the show because it's what I do every day of my life, I can do all the things I'm asking of him on a first, second, third etc. date like making a decision where to go, showing up on time, paying, being respectful, listening, holding an interesting conversation, etc., my questions is, is HE capable of it? If he is, I'm going to need a demonstration.

idiosyncraticg1 · 2019-12-08T18:15:03+00:00

For me, it’s the laws of supply and demand.

There have been only two guys in my history of first dates who haven’t paid for me. Only two out of 20-30.

That being said, why should I go out with someone who won’t pay for me when I KNOW there are 9 other guys to that 1 who would love to pay for me?

That’s my argument. I know my worth.

throwawway2091 · 2019-12-08T21:26:48+00:00

They choose to pay for you because they WANT to :) They want to do these things to make you happy so you don't have to worry about it.

thruAblue-eyedhaze · 2019-12-08T21:00:34+00:00

From my experience, Men who are really invested in you will pay without it even being a question, no matter how much you make etc he will spend his last dime on you. Men invest in what they really care about. You don’t have to “justify “ it because if he’s not paying, he’s not worth your time because he’s not invested in you and is stringing you along, seeing what he can get from you.

Eltrajeazulito · 2019-12-08T21:46:01+00:00

It's super interesting to me that this one keeps coming up. Women in general can seemingly get behind everything we talk about here except the paying for dinner thing. And I get it - it has literally been drilled into our heads for decades that we don't "need" a man, we are independent, we earn our own money, women who want a man to pay are "gold diggers," and most importantly, we have to keep ourselves safe which sometimes means not putting ourselves in dangerous situations where a LVM will feel like you "owe" him sex because he paid for your dinner.

That's why letting a man paying for the date isn't a stand-alone value - it is very much in the context of a thorough vetting process where you are only agreeing to a date with the type of man who won't bat an eye about treating you to a meal or an activity. It's not a perfect process though and sometimes men can fake their way through a few dates, but it's usually pretty successful. It's basically asking a man to put his money where his mouth is, because men value money, and a man who values money will be less likely to drop $100 on a nice dinner for someone he just wants to fuck & chuck.

I'm actually not that impressed when men pay for a date. I'm looking for effort, because any guy with money can get a reso and drop some cash on a dinner, but moreover did he TRY to impress you? Was he on time, does he look like he put effort into his appearance, does he have anything planned for after dinner if the date goes well? Does he keep his hands to himself and treat you like a human he wants to KNOW or is he being overly sexual? There are SO many things to consider on a first date, I dislike when the paying thing gets so much attention because it's a tiny piece of the puzzle but it's the one that men love to lose their damn minds about.

ontherailstoday · 2019-12-09T00:41:40+00:00

For a first date it is unbelievably clear how sensible it is to feel entitled. He is a stranger that you have not formed any desire for yet, but has formed a plan to approach you t to persuade you to allow him into your body. To that ends he wants you to commit to being at a particular space in a a particular timeframe and to allowing a degree of relaxation/stimulation from the food/drink involved... so you can in essence listen to his pitch in the way most favorable for him. Why the F would you pay for any of this? His plan, his desire, his need, him him him... his bloody wallet too, he can crack open his bloody wallet and pay the costs of this thing he thought up. Until you've reached a point where you actually know him well enough to want him, you shouldn't be considering paying for a thing. Even after that point until you are one household you might want to continue with him paying because well it maintains the idea that he has to do the persuading.

MagicAte_8 · 2019-12-08T21:54:27+00:00

Have you seen my post where I went into conniptions because my straight female friend added to the tip??

If someone cares for you they WANT to spend money on you, and if you offer to pay then men (and me lol) take it as a dig at our financial status and ability to help you have a good time!

Eltrajeazulito · 2019-12-08T17:22:13+00:00

[deleted]

Title	How do I justify having men pay for me?
Author	Eltrajeazulito
Upvotes	39
Comments	24
Date	December 8, 2019 4:46 PM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/e7vyce/how_do_i_justify_having_men_pay_for_me/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/how-do-i-justify-having-men-pay-for-me.687294 https://theredarchive.com/post/687294

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