Wondering how a decent human would handle a breach of trust? Or how a good human is supposed to treat you? Read on my experience here.

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I don't share photos or personal details with anyone. I'm cautious even sending it to parents and siblings also, never send it to friends, and keep all my data and personal info tightly guarded. Just because you're my friend doesn't automatically entitle you to what month or year I was born, who's my family, what's my salary, my photos, and blah blah.

Everyone around me takes photos and shares them (no no, that's nothing bad, it's just my preference not to. It additionally helps weed out people who won't respect my boundary very fast), but I don't and never will. If people are taking photos I move out of frame, cover my face and head in public-photo-crazed-places and ask people to delete photos if I feel someone snapped one.

Only my bf has access to some of my photos, and I trust him. He helps me with my taxes also, so he has info about some of my personal stuff too. Now here's where the story starts. I went to a cruise casino with friends on vacation (don't gamble, just wanted to try a new experience) and I had a slight stomach ache the whole day and I was wearing high heeled sandals which is a huge rarity for me, so standing was a pain in the neck. My bf was taking care of entry and docs for me.

  • They needed vaccination proof docs (which everyone is sharing here like crazy, but it has your age and personal id number on it)

After we returned from the casino, I was on his phone looking at photos we took and deleting some, and sharing some over Whatsapp. That's when I saw some vaccine docs shared. I said don't tell me you shared my vaccine doc with random people (we went with friends, but it's mostly a group of friends of friends so we met some people for the first time). Then I said oh you didn't share mine thanks (I didn't see mine initially). But he immediately sat up straight and said something like oh no, I did share yours with XYZ for proof.

(Look here, he DIDN'T lie to me, even though he could have, and I would have never figured it out mostly. Also, look at the next lines, I didn't go "oh you didn't lie to me, so I'll let this slide one-time blah blah" or "oh you're so honest")

I immediately went livid. Still kept my volume normalish but my tone was harsh. I said many lines like

  • "You couldn't have dared to share my personal info without asking me first, right?"
  • "oh you did it accidentally now, you want me to accidentally on purpose never ever trust you again?"
  • "how could you be so dumb and insensitive" (we have a strict no-insults rule, so I think I was toying the line extremely with this)
  • "and if it was such a bother standing in line, you should have just told me and I would have stood there, how dare you sell my info for that".
  • "get that doc deleted from whoever's phone you sent it immediately, although damage is done" (if you tell someone to delete it, they may get more curious and keep a copy)

He tried to apologize in between, but I would shut him down immediately.

(Consider that I've never shared photos or data with anyone, not even for documentations unless required by law or some other huge reason, and having my bf break this implicit rule of mine was a shocker. I still kept telling myself to remain civil, he didn't mean it, but I was pissed off too)

He did say it was truly accidental (like everyone here, he took it as a public doc), but he didn't interrupt me or try to apologize incessantly or try to minimize it ("so what, it's not just your doc shared there" "there were over thousand people, yours wouldn't even matter" "it happened just once, please ignore it").

It was late at night, I was sleepy and I told him to go away and tried to fall asleep to deal with this in the morning. I fell asleep and woke up a few times and I saw him feverishly tapping on his phone. After some time (1-2 hours?) when I woke up slightly, he told me he tried out a few Whatsapp hacks and managed to delete the file. I'm very tech-savvy but lol that was surprising to me and unexpected. I just told him yeah sure that worked. He tried to test with my messages, but his first attempt failed and I turned around angrily and fell asleep. But he stayed awake till the other guy reached his home and texted back "bro you already deleted the file" (so his hack worked). My bf showed me this text in the morning.

So I'm here still sitting cranky, but also very happy to have found FDS because now I don't doubt myself when I boundary set, and I know not accepting lower standards is A-OKAY (I'm not arrogant)! I still need to decide with myself how much I'm going to trust going forward and stuff, but I also know everyone makes mistakes.

And I'm super happy that good humans do exist in this world, who will treat you like a partner and not minimize your existence.