I think I was assaulted. I need support

cquill54321 · 2020-09-21T00:16:09+00:00

You were sexually assaulted. What happened to you was illegal. Do you have a therapist you could talk to? Your college counselling service may be able to help xx

lacyvulture · 2020-09-21T00:15:07+00:00

You can get through this. You are a strong woman. Sexual assault happens to us all, YOU ARE NOT ALONE even if you feel like it in this moment. What he did was 100% sexual assault. You do not need to press charges unless you want to. He is a monster for doing what he did. You are not dirty. NOTHING a man can do to you will EVER make you dirty or less valuable. This experience is a reflection of his value, not yours. He is dirty, he is worthless, he is afraid of love because who can ever love a monster? Don’t question why you massaged his shoulders, or acted nice to him, don’t feel ashamed because of it. Women fake compassion for our attackers as a self defense mechanism, to stall, and to make them feel comfortable so they don’t hurt us anymore. You were trapped with a predator, what else where you going to do? You handled yourself exceptionally well under the situation. You can hold your head up and be proud of yourself. Be proud of yourself.

Fatt3stAveng3r · 2020-09-20T23:48:21+00:00

<3 I've been there too. You aren't alone. I'm truly sorry

sewingmachinesavior · 2020-09-21T04:20:55+00:00

You were absolutely assaulted. It’s okay to choose not to pursue it legally. Process it by whatever healthy means necessary: journaling, therapy, regular exercise.

I have been there, and been scared. Thought I was going to be raped, just like you, was also a Virgin. It was a long time ago and I didn’t even know his last name (I was 18). You kept your wits about you, and did what you had to do to be safe. That is okay.

You did NOTHING wrong. It’s all on him. No guilt for you. Block him on everything.

Big virtual hugs. You are not alone. He only wins if you let this derail you.

The best revenge is success.

Hhjjuuy · 2020-09-21T14:03:35+00:00

I am most ashamed of the fact that I was nice to him after everything he did to me - I don't know what compelled me to be so kind to him.

We often hear about fight or flight responses in the face of danger, but they don't show the whole picture. There are others that we don't hear much about because they are (as I'm sure you can guess) more prevalent among women than men. In fact, women are more likely to respond these ways than with fight or flight. They are friend, freeze and flop. What you did here was a friend response. It's when you try to keep the danger at bay by showing it that you aren't a threat. That you are placating him by showing affection to try and increase your chances of survival. It is very common and it is also really successful.

It worked here for you, your reaction kept him sitting beside you on the bed and helped you to get out of the dangerous situation that you were stuck in for the 20 minutes that you waited. Don't be ashamed of your survival instincts. You did absolutely nothing wrong. Not before he assaulted you, not during, and not after. You did not deserve to be treated in this way.

Please know that you are not in any way responsible for what he did or for holding him accountable. What he did was very wrong and illegal in a lot of places but getting justice for crimes of this nature can be incredibly difficult and can be traumatizing in itself.

You did absolutely nothing wrong here. He chose to assault you. He knew what he was doing. This was not your fault.

Please take care of yourself and if possible find a professional to help you process this. Trying to feel clean is a very common feeling after assault like this. Nature can have a cleansing effect on your mind as well. Forest bathing, where you immerse yourself under the canopy of trees and soak in the atmosphere through all of your sense can be more soothing than scrubbing yourself for this feeling. Whatever it is please set aside a little bit of time to do something calming in the next few days.

I'd also like to share this course with you. It is all free and online but quite intense and does require you to put in a fair amount of work.

He did an awful thing to you that you did not provoke and you reacted in a way that kept you from being hurt further. I hope you can be okay soon.

Niceforwhatthrowaway · 2020-09-21T01:47:00+00:00

I’m very sorry for what happened to you 😔

LieberAal · 2020-09-21T11:43:12+00:00

The sad truth is that I think it's a miracle that you got to the age of 24 without ever being sexually assaulted before. I know you'll get through this. Statistically, even the most successful women on this planet have most likely all been assaulted too at some point in their lives and yet, they didn't end up defined by that experience and continued to kick ass. And so will you! :-)

Also don't feel bad for massaging his shoulders or playing nice in that situation. That was a smart move and I did the exact same when I was raped because I thought if I fight it and he'll violently overwhelm me, then at best I truly have a horrific violent rape trauma at my hands, physical injuries or I'll be dead or imprisoned (this happened in the UAE where rape victims very often get thrown in jail) and I don't need any of that shit, so I'll play nice and cool in this very awful situation to keep it from escalating to something even worse.

That's a smart move of a smart woman, who managed to calculate calmly in a highly stressful situation and you should be really proud of you for the way you managed this.

cupittycakes · 2020-09-21T14:53:23+00:00

Read the damn handbook

You went to his place to see the view... 🙄🙄🙄

His attack was absolutely not your fault and you deserve better... but you made a really ridiculous decision to go to his place for A VIEW. This does not mean you deserved the assault but we are here to do better for ourselves than deal with dangerous men like this

I do have sympathy for you but this angers me for some reason for how... naive it all was. At 24 and a law student nonetheless

Please contact your campus mental health, you do need and deserve true support

This post violates FDS rules I believe because you glaringly did not read the handbook.

And f*** that guy, he is trash and I'm glad you got out of there safely

And I feel awful for not being completely nice here, but... Jesus Christ, I feel like this dude could have decided to love bomb you and you would have given him your virginity... all the advice you needed is in the HANDBOOK

Title	I think I was assaulted. I need support
Author	Minimum-Idea
Upvotes	49
Comments	11
Date	September 20, 2020 9:00 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/iwm5ba/i_think_i_was_assaulted_i_need_support/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/i-think-i-was-assaulted-i-need-support.266931 https://theredarchive.com/post/266931

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