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Mean_Green_Kween
[–]Mean_Green_KweenFDS Disciple[S] 84 points85 points86 points 6 years ago (7 children) | Copy Link
A woman in the comments said her boyfriend would do the same thing, and that she felt pressured to “reciprocate” for the foreplay.
I know the thing I just posted seems mostly innocent- but something seems off.
[–]honeybeerollFDS Apprentice48 points49 points50 points 6 years ago (6 children) | Copy Link
It seems off bc he left out A TON of information. You see when women write these posts, they're confused (I think deeeep down they know something is off, that's why they're asking) but they're detailed with how long and relentlessly the guy will beg for.
She may honestly be "unsure" how she feels bc she likely feels violated/like this was wrong, but doesn't know why, bc she thinks rape only happens though physical force. A woman posted to the relationship sub recently about this exact situation, and she must've said 3x in the post "my bf would NEVER force me." Yet he begs RELENTLESSLY until she gives in. Everyone in the comments pointed out this meant he WAS forcing her (don't remember her responses, but at least she wasn't arguing back).
[–]2340000Ruthless Strategist13 points14 points15 points 6 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link
Girl... My ex coerced every single sexual interaction we had (this was before sex).
He first assaulted me without consent. Blamed it on me "not stopping him/ not saying no). From that point I tried saying no, but he'd badger me until I said yes. He asked more than 3 times in some instances. Other times he'd trick me by saying we were going to do something, and then switch up last minute.
Turned out when we had sex he couldn't remain erect. Said he had ED (erectile dysfunction). What virgin has ED? And yes he watched too much porn. Needless to say, he stopped coercing me out of embarrassment and then broke up with me😬
I believe had he not been embarrassed, he would have gotten to the point of raping me. I really dodged a bullet.
[–]honeybeerollFDS Apprentice4 points5 points6 points 6 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
Dude I'm so sorry D: I was pressured a couple times but never thankfully it never became a repeat pattern with a guy. So sorry you hat this experience, but the trash took itself out!
Idk man in this day and age that women don't know it's wrong to be verbally pressured and emotionally manipulated into sex??? Sometimes I wonder if they know but are doing mental gymnastics bc they don't want to believe their bf is like this? Like for ex I pushed aside these feelings myself once, the one time I wasn't in the mood w/ my last ex he got whiny, wouldn't tell me why, I got really upset and said you cannot clam up on me like this. So he apologized & explained "I had issues with my ex for years bc she used to curve me at the last second all the time" so I stupidly let it slide even tho I felt in that moment the way he was reacting was wrong. I didn't stay with him long after that, but if I did I'm sure this incident would've repeated itself.
[–]2340000Ruthless Strategist2 points3 points4 points 6 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
Ya know I hear that all the time. When I first started using social media, I'd see all these guys talk about women "withholding sex" as a manipulation tool. It was always money and sex, blah blah blah.
When I read what you said about your ex, it's so clear he's the type to think that. You told him no, so he tried to manipulate you because his ex "used to curve me at the last second" wth??? Men feel so entitled to our bodies. So what if she said no "last minute"? So what if she stops having sex because she doesn't want you?? And??
We aren't entitled to anyone's body, money, possessions, or whatever. They are privileges given to those who deserve it. Don't get me wrong, I completely understand how sex can be used for manipulation, but men don't discuss it from the dysfunctional relationships/abusive relationships perspective, it's only about power.
[–]honeybeerollFDS Apprentice0 points1 point2 points 6 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Yup, they always talk about women withholding sex like...pretty sure the women who do that to gain power are few and far between compared to the male abusers who withold or coerce or force sex.
My ex was actually one of those guys who at first I thought would understand these things bc he had said stuff like "men can't be feminists, just supportive/an ally" and "women aren't machines you can put nice coins into and get sex out of" Except he showed himself to be exactly the latter lol
And right? Apparently he and his ex never got intimate even tho they were together for years, and it took him an entire year to even broach the subject and ask her what was wrong (already a red flag). Apparently she realized much later she's "asexual" (maybe, or maybe she just wasn't attracted to him) and they were still friends later. But in retrospect I was like if he wanted a relationship with physical intimacy why the hell did he stay with her for so long?? Red flag! (he had low self esteem and was desperate)
I think he truly believed that's why he reacted so badly to me, but overall he had a lack of introspection into his own issues. Thinking about it later, all it comes down to is he felt entitled to me, as you said, entitled bc of this big chip on his shoulder about people really not treating him well for most of his life (not an excuse).
So yeah, yet another version of the entitled guy to watch out for lol. He was a bit sneaky lol bc he hadn't shown entitled behavior before, but had I not been so ignorant and lonely myself, the low self esteem, loneliness, and chip on his shoulder would have made me run away ASAP! No one w/ baggage like that is fit to date, and now I see how it can fester into entitlement
[–]2340000Ruthless Strategist1 point2 points3 points 6 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Well... He's not entitled to sex. It may not even be that she was unattracted to him in the sexual sense. I don't think I'd have sex with someone before 1 or 2 years. Regardless of how long the relationship was, she wasn't required to sleep with him.
And about people treating him bad all his life, it shows emotional immaturity that he'd use that as an excuse. Just because I've been abused doesn't mean I can justify mistreating my partner.
Plus guys who talk big game are the epitome of what they say. If he "hates" cheaters, he's likely to be a cheater. If he would never hurt you, he's likely to hurt you... You get the jist...😒
Entitled men are very dangerous. I wish I would've know how bad it was before. It's one of the scariest things while dating. Makes me want to never date again.
[–]honeybeerollFDS Apprentice1 point2 points3 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Oh yeah ofc no one is entitled to sex, or mandated to give it. but if it's something you want from a relationship, which is normal, and you stay like 2+ years w/ a person who can't have it and can't explain why, that says to me you're desperate and giving up something that is super important to you, just to stay w/ someone who's incompatible with you.
And yes your past is absolutely not an excuse to treat people badly!! That's just my theory that his past made him feel very entitled to things and he didn't even realize. And same, they are really scary :(, reading why does he do that recently made me even more scared about it. I stopped seeing someone recently mostly bc we just weren't a match, but part of it was also I don't want to date, I'm afraid to choose wrong and be in a bad relationship again, and I'm also afraid of what men are hiding. Trying to think about it more positively, I KNOW I'm not missing out on anything by not looking for a guy lol, and if my life brings me to one just by simply living it, if he's really worth it, I don't think I would have all this anxiety about making a commitment.
[–]AyemHerselfRuthless Strategist102 points103 points104 points 6 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
He's asking Reddit if he's technically in the wrong, rather than paying attention to how his girlfriend feels. He doesn't actually care as long as he can say he did nothing wrong and she's overreacting.
This is why I'm skeptical of the "false accusations" narrative that Reddit men run with. All such stories involve "gray area" content issues like intoxication or coercion, pestering, etc. The question then is never "was she hurt by what happened" but rather "can I actually face consequences for this?"
If guys ACTUALLY worried about false accusations, they would be all over the "fuck yes or no" consent model.
[+][deleted] 6 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
[deleted]
[–]AyemHerselfRuthless Strategist9 points10 points11 points 6 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
I'm glad you're rid of him! Sorry that happened to you.
[–]detectivejuiceeFDS Newbie5 points6 points7 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Thanx!! Time to level up!
[–]2340000Ruthless Strategist39 points40 points41 points 6 years ago* (0 children) | Copy Link
So I'm assuming she says no, and then he proceeds to coerce her with "teasing"??
Y'all sexual coercion is officially labeled as domestic violence.
(1) I can guarantee that guy intentionally left out information that would implicate him (2) "His gf doesn't know how she feels" a.k.a she knows but fears telling him how she feels (3) Teasing sounds like a euphemism
In sum, he uses humor to mask his true intentions and to give himself plausible deniability and the opportunity to say "she was into it".
TBH, the gf could have a rape defense to the police. Saying no, and then him putting his hands on her in the form of "teasing" is problematic. The gf decides if she consented or not.
[–]WaveTheory1FDS Newbie26 points27 points28 points 6 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
My ex would do that. When I told him it was close to rape HE cried like a baby...
He stopped doing it immediately but it was already too late, all my sexual attraction to him was gone. Still, I stayed with him for another 2-3 years, I thought I was doomed to a bad sex life forever - mind you, I was only 20 years old. I honestly thought I’d spend the rest of my life with this loser, smh.
I’m so happy now that I broke up with him! I’m living my best life now, and my libido is back!
[–][deleted] 29 points30 points31 points 6 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
How are men not instantly turned off when the person they're trying to fuck doesn't want to fuck them? That would be repulsive to me. Instead they see it as some kind of challenge, ignoring that she literally does not want to fuck him. Disgusting animals
[–]AyemHerselfRuthless Strategist10 points11 points12 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Look at how much porn these days portrays rough sex. Struggle fucking and rape kink porn is becoming that much more mainstream. These guys might not actively get off on forcing themselves on women (yet), but they "know" subconsciously that they can ignore refusal or "convince" their partner to have sex and it'll still be arousing to them.
[–]rinabeanFDS Disciple5 points6 points7 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I don't think words like graypist are useful for women
You say you think it's "mostly innocent", he describes this sex as her "caving in". He says "she says no". He worries she's "traumatised"
The bits like "my girlfriend" "she's unsure" "I'm scared" are maybe blinding you to those?
She said no, I made her cave in, she's traumatised. That's rape. Not grey rape, whatever that would be. Just rape
[–]ontherailstodayFDS Newbie6 points7 points8 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
"I'm scared that..."
Nah... he's not scared of jack shit he just wants to talk about rape because he finds it stimulating. I don't feel the need to assign a particular term to him but I sure as fuck wouldn't want to be around him.
[+][deleted] 6 years ago* (1 child) | Copy Link
[removed]
[–]kwalden2FDS Newbie-1 points0 points1 point 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Okay with all the down votes: my point was that I doubt this guy even has sex with a girlfriend, especially not in the way described. It sounds like it would be a lie.
I did NOT think I had to clarify that continuing after someone says no is sexual assault, which is wrong.
I did NOT think I had to clarify that, if he did coerce a woman like he said, his behavior was fully his own fault.
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[–]Mean_Green_KweenFDS Disciple[S] 84 points85 points86 points (7 children) | Copy Link
[–]honeybeerollFDS Apprentice48 points49 points50 points (6 children) | Copy Link
[–]2340000Ruthless Strategist13 points14 points15 points (5 children) | Copy Link
[–]honeybeerollFDS Apprentice4 points5 points6 points (4 children) | Copy Link
[–]2340000Ruthless Strategist2 points3 points4 points (3 children) | Copy Link
[–]honeybeerollFDS Apprentice0 points1 point2 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]2340000Ruthless Strategist1 point2 points3 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]honeybeerollFDS Apprentice1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]AyemHerselfRuthless Strategist102 points103 points104 points (3 children) | Copy Link
[+][deleted] (2 children) | Copy Link
[deleted]
[–]AyemHerselfRuthless Strategist9 points10 points11 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]detectivejuiceeFDS Newbie5 points6 points7 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]2340000Ruthless Strategist39 points40 points41 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]WaveTheory1FDS Newbie26 points27 points28 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 29 points30 points31 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]AyemHerselfRuthless Strategist10 points11 points12 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]rinabeanFDS Disciple5 points6 points7 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]ontherailstodayFDS Newbie6 points7 points8 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[+][deleted] (1 child) | Copy Link
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[–]kwalden2FDS Newbie-1 points0 points1 point (0 children) | Copy Link