Is this a graypist?

Mean_Green_Kween · 2020-05-06T19:44:18+00:00

A woman in the comments said her boyfriend would do the same thing, and that she felt pressured to “reciprocate” for the foreplay.

I know the thing I just posted seems mostly innocent- but something seems off.

AyemHerself · 2020-05-06T19:49:46+00:00

He's asking Reddit if he's technically in the wrong, rather than paying attention to how his girlfriend feels. He doesn't actually care as long as he can say he did nothing wrong and she's overreacting.

This is why I'm skeptical of the "false accusations" narrative that Reddit men run with. All such stories involve "gray area" content issues like intoxication or coercion, pestering, etc. The question then is never "was she hurt by what happened" but rather "can I actually face consequences for this?"

If guys ACTUALLY worried about false accusations, they would be all over the "fuck yes or no" consent model.

2340000 · 2020-05-06T19:56:52+00:00

So I'm assuming she says no, and then he proceeds to coerce her with "teasing"??

Y'all sexual coercion is officially labeled as domestic violence.

(1) I can guarantee that guy intentionally left out information that would implicate him (2) "His gf doesn't know how she feels" a.k.a she knows but fears telling him how she feels (3) Teasing sounds like a euphemism

In sum, he uses humor to mask his true intentions and to give himself plausible deniability and the opportunity to say "she was into it".

TBH, the gf could have a rape defense to the police. Saying no, and then him putting his hands on her in the form of "teasing" is problematic. The gf decides if she consented or not.

WaveTheory1 · 2020-05-06T22:51:04+00:00

My ex would do that. When I told him it was close to rape HE cried like a baby...

He stopped doing it immediately but it was already too late, all my sexual attraction to him was gone. Still, I stayed with him for another 2-3 years, I thought I was doomed to a bad sex life forever - mind you, I was only 20 years old. I honestly thought I’d spend the rest of my life with this loser, smh.

I’m so happy now that I broke up with him! I’m living my best life now, and my libido is back!

rinabean · 2020-05-07T09:54:17+00:00

I don't think words like graypist are useful for women

You say you think it's "mostly innocent", he describes this sex as her "caving in". He says "she says no". He worries she's "traumatised"

The bits like "my girlfriend" "she's unsure" "I'm scared" are maybe blinding you to those?

She said no, I made her cave in, she's traumatised. That's rape. Not grey rape, whatever that would be. Just rape

ontherailstoday · 2020-05-07T00:19:54+00:00

"I'm scared that..."

Nah... he's not scared of jack shit he just wants to talk about rape because he finds it stimulating. I don't feel the need to assign a particular term to him but I sure as fuck wouldn't want to be around him.

kwalden2 · 2020-05-07T01:10:28+00:00

[removed]

Title	Is this a graypist?
Author	Mean_Green_Kween
Upvotes	81
Comments	21
Date	May 6, 2020 7:42 PM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/geqyzu/is_this_a_graypist/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/is-this-a-graypist.722245 https://theredarchive.com/post/722245

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