Is this a non-issue?

denimlace · 2020-08-21T21:26:18+00:00

Good places to get advice and mentorship in college is from your advisor, the dean, student societies, alumni groups, etc. If it’s practical advice like how to get a car, try to ask if a friend has a family member or older sibling who can provide assistance. Do not rely on men you date for this stuff. They won’t deliver anyway.

MakeURegret · 2020-08-21T21:43:37+00:00

Yes the problem with this isn’t even necessarily that a guy would develop a superiority complex although that is a large risk.

The problem is you’ll then become very attached, because he’s given you great advice about x, y, z. And you’ll think to yourself - if I break up now where will I get that information? And it will cause you to be scared/hesitate to break up.

If you learn how to source this information on your own then you won’t be worried if 6 months later you need to dump him.

If you’re still feeling lost. You should ask these guys how they figured out the info you are seeking.

No one becomes an expert googler in a day. But you’ll never become good at googling if you always ask men. And you won’t have good alternate sources for info if you always get it from men you date.

So instead of asking them: “what should I do about this specific landlord issue I’m having?” You should ask them: “Have you ever had this issue with your landlord? How did you learn how to handle it? How did you choose to handle it the way you did?”

Yep sometimes the answer will be: “my parents” which I see isn’t an option for you (wasn’t for me either so I feel your pain). But you’d be surprised at how often that’s not the answer.

I would know, because been there done that. And it set back my development as a young adult by quite a lot.

PhoenixRisingAsap · 2020-08-21T21:18:29+00:00

Bad idea to get advice from men. They don’t know what it takes to succeed as a woman and they’ll likely take advantage of you. There’s plenty of good advice out there by women. Get a library card and read books by women. Listen to podcasts by women. Watch YouTube videos by women. In this day and age there’s no excuse to do what you’re doing and putting yourself in danger and emotional harm.

IntrepidStorage · 2020-08-21T22:03:29+00:00

You can either have a relationship progress or ask lots of those questions. Not both. Since it's a VERY BAD idea anyway to seriously date someone with that differential in life experience and power, you can keep doing what you doing if you can keep your heart out of it and stay safe. Which, admittedly, is not guaranteed and you should try to find the answers elsewhere if you can, but I understand why it's easier this way.

They're using you anyway (younger woman, power differential, probably attractiveness differential), you using them is not the problem here.

eveninghope · 2020-08-21T22:31:21+00:00

I'd try to find local networking groups. It'd just be more beneficial to you overall. Ask your profs. It's important to not be in the habit of overly relying on men for this sort of thing bc of possible implications/assumptions on their part when you actually get out into the working world.

fastidiousadipose · 2020-08-21T21:21:32+00:00

What you are describing is a mentor. It's not "using". Also, I hope you're not fucking them for advice u get on google. If they are grown n ur in school, very likely they are using you.

Its important to make friends. It's called mentorship and networking. If you want professional advice, dont sleep with them. Just ask.

2020-08-22T02:26:52+00:00

If you are not getting hurt and feel safe, do whatever you want. I like that you are thinking longer term about how things could create an imbalance. Always go into things protecting your finances and making sure even if he gives you a lot that you are storing some of that money away just in case.

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Title	Is this a non-issue?
Author	WildTenderness
Upvotes	6
Comments	29
Date	August 21, 2020 9:11 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/ie5f96/is_this_a_nonissue/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/is-this-a-non-issue.168085 https://theredarchive.com/post/168085

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