It is emotionally and mentally draining. Never again.

Leilani29 · 2020-06-06T23:11:55+00:00

Same. I've cut men way too much slack in the past due to being a very understanding person. My thing now is...if you're really so troubled that you cannot get it together and be a healthy partner, I'm not going to wait around for you to sort yourself out. I'm not going to suffer while I try to help/fix you.

EntireTadpole · 2020-06-06T23:31:42+00:00

It took me a loooooooong time to figure this out, both with friendships (men and women) and relationships.

szxbxtch · 2020-06-07T01:47:59+00:00

Yup yup yup, rather have no friends or boyfriend and “lonely” than be surrounded by people who only haven me around to fill the silence. I’m worth more than that and I’m not relying on their presence to make me feel good, I’d rather be alone than be surrounded by people who make me feel alone.

feasantly_plucked · 2020-06-07T03:12:10+00:00

wow. How does this sub continuously tap into my subconscious?

For background, I've got almost all male friends at the moment, all of whom I slowly realise, have wangled me into a position of being the emotional servant in the relationship. When my female friends were more present than they currently are (travels etc) I didn't notice it but now I'm like man. You dudes are all engaging in parasitic behaviors all the time with me.

That by itself is bad but it makes me question how often I've passed on that same parasitic level of expectation, and pissed people off because well duh, as the female, I am supposed to provide and never demand, without question.

Men continue to fuck my head up and drain my life away, despite relative celibacy.

I want to move to that fabled lesbian feminist walled in utopia. NOW!

clamchauder · 2020-06-07T02:58:25+00:00

I'm kind of fresh getting back into friendships after a period of isolation/relationships from late-high school to my early career.

What does the bare minimum in a friendship look like? I feel like I'm a pickmeisha but for friends if that makes sense. I need a better vetting system for friendships haha.

NewGirl_WhoDis · 2020-06-07T01:03:49+00:00

Level the fuck up, sis. It's extremely sad that the bar has sunk so low that even the barest minimum is seen as a huge feat and rarity.

skyerippa · 2020-06-07T06:15:12+00:00

Implementing this harshly lately already cut out multiple men.

princestarshine · 2020-06-07T09:05:11+00:00

Can I ask a question based on the friendship aspect of that?

I have a friend who is pretty much always busy, and you need to make plans with her like literally months in advance. And she only texts for short periods of time before she has to go, usually, and is rarely the one to text me first.

She’s great, though, when I do see her, don’t get me wrong! Just we barely talked since quarantine started & I haven’t been able to see her everyday, and when we all hit a break i was like “we can hang now!” And she was like “yeah! I might be able to in two weeks-”

I love her, really. Like, she’s a great friend. We have some great times together. But i feel like she never puts in the kind of effort i do, if that makes sense.

Anyone have any outsider-opinions?

I kinda ranted, I’m sorry!

throw248348 · 2020-06-07T11:16:44+00:00

I'm wondering how to behave when someone isn't meeting your standards in a friendship. I find that many people I'm friends with have a few traits I wouldn't accept in a relationship, but if I weren't friends with them then I would actually have nobody.

Also, I moved to a different country a while back and people are really quiet and keep to themselves here. I first have to go through making sure someone doesn't have rude, uninformed stereotypes about me and then I consistently have to be the person that puts in effort/makes the friendship work.

cherrypepsilvr · 2020-06-07T18:28:01+00:00

I've literally today deleted a load of bare-minimum friends from my social media. The kind that keep saying "Let's get together!" but are never there for concrete plans. The kind who say they need your address to send you a birthday gift but never do. The kind who you'd like to ignore, but they like your status once in a blue moon.

I was stuck in this mental rut of "They're just busy, we'll grow back together eventually, I shouldn't be too needy, they just have stuff going on." But I can't put my mental energy into friendships where the other person is just breadcrumbing.

People like that are getting deleted from now on.

lillmama · 2020-06-07T19:27:45+00:00

Oh ya, this has been the mood! But as of recently, in the friendship department, I cut off a friend who suddenly went bare minimum on me. She didn’t get it, but in my eyes it was disrespectful! I am of much value. I am a great friend. I know my worth. She took advantage of my kindness. But baby, it ain’t weakness. So I did what I had to do. 👋

kcnitte · 2020-06-07T10:15:54+00:00

Learning this for now

Title	It is emotionally and mentally draining. Never again.
Author	Tough_Fruit
Upvotes	1548
Comments	42
Date	June 6, 2020 11:08 PM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/gy112q/it_is_emotionally_and_mentally_draining_never/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/it-is-emotionally-and-mentally-draining-never.674348 https://theredarchive.com/post/674348

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