Just need to vent

KetoKittenAround · 2020-09-09T13:37:36+00:00

You will be thanking yourself in the future for letting him go. He did not see your true value and the saddest thing in the world is now he gets to live a life without the benefit of you and all you bring.

This painful part is reallllllly hard. But you will get through it. I swear with even a week or so of time you will feel far better than you feel now. It WILL get easier.

And between us girls if you are sad about not being with your first... future you will be on cloud 9 when you find your best.

I will bet you that this dude ain’t it Queen!

You are doing SO much better than me at your age. I was a pick me and if I had valued myself like you do, then I would have saved myself tons of wasted time and heartache.

For now you gotta feel those feels. You can vent to us. You can vent t your friends (just not mutual friends... don’t want his male ego stroked ... those days are over) Hell you can vent to me! Anything but contacting his ass everr again.

If this makes you feel any better, guys tend to process breakups a bit differently then us. It takes them a spell for the Big Sad to hit them. It might take even a bit longer because you all were long distance. But that Big Sad train in going to pull into his station, I’d bet my life on it

You have not heard the last from him. I can only hope by that time you will have done what you set out to do. Work on yourself and increase your value. You will be shocked (and so will he trust and believe) with how little you care to have him around. You have leveled up and will continue to do so. He won’t.

It’s hard not to think of the other women and such. That will also fade in time. Truth is, you will be too busy with all the HVM to even care what pick me he wrangles into his LVM life. You will feel sorry for her.

Give yourself some time to be sad and then try to do healthy things. Like go to the gym, even if you just walk on the treadmill, or go for a walk or run or whatever you beautiful college kids do these days!

From this day forward, may only HVM cross your path!!!

idiosyncraticg1 · 2020-09-09T14:33:58+00:00

Long term breakups hurt like hell. I was almost passing out and throwing up after my last breakup, I lost like 5 lbs. It’s normal to feel physically sick and IT DOES GET BETTER. You will thank yourself.

Allow yourself to feel all the feelings for as long as possible. Don’t suppress them. Have a proper cry for a few days, let it all out. If you don’t deal with these emotions properly, they will bite you back in the long run.

lunar_topaz · 2020-09-09T14:38:00+00:00

You aren’t alone; a lot of us here have felt what you are feeling. Prioritizing yourself is always going to benefit you in the long run, so you made a healthy decision. In my opinion, long-distance relationships are almost always impossible to maintain.

Do you need this man to fight for you? Do you want the love of your life, or him specifically?

You might be idealizing him, or making him into something that he isn’t. I understand that you have an emotional, sentimental attachment to him, but that attachment is also likely preventing you from assessing him with clarity. Talk is cheap. I’ve had men make all sorts of declarations and promises to me, but they were empty.

Men will say absolutely anything in order to get sex, support, or the convenience of your presence. I would also avoid romanticizing your virginity too much—he was your first, not your best, or the most important. Your virginity isn’t a thing that you can give to someone forever. My grandmother, the woman whom I admire most in my life, would tell me the equivalent (in Russian) of “get a hold of yourself.” I say this to you now with the utmost compassionate—get a grip, get a hold of yourself, pull yourself together.

Every day will be a little easier.

Every time that I’ve been broken, I have, in the end, emerged so much stronger, more powerful, more beautiful, and more myself.

It’s still fresh for you, but believe me, it will get easier. My advice is to block him, unfollow him, and don’t check on him. As tempting as it may be to stalk him online, or try to see what he is doing, don’t do it. He is irrelevant now. Focus on loving yourself.

warinmymind94 · 2020-09-09T14:57:48+00:00

Big hugs. I have been there. Maybe this will help you. The first guy I ever loved was also in college and also my first everything. The first year dating him was great, he'd give me flowers, plan nice dates, take me out to awesome restaurants and events. I met all his friends and his family we all got along great. I thought he was the one. He also didn't have plans after college and I was trying to help him figure it out. I thought I wanted to work in Healthcare but I got confused that year at college and I have my degree but I went back for accounting. When I was with him I gave so much of myself and energy to him and being confused with him i slacked through. The depression got worse when i found out his ex had been keeping in contact with him and he was "bumping into her" on purpose. Then came a woman we will call "S" she was 10 years older than him and still lived at her moms house, in addition to being morbidly obese. She had an awful personality. He cheated on me with S and his ex! The entire relationship. I was devastated. Being a pickme I knew and still stuck with him, even though it drained my happiness, ambition, and clarity. It kept me down. I bumbled around looking into different programs for schools and worked part time for low wages. I should have been hustling making bank at a full time company.

When we broke up it was mutual. I felt like all that was left of me died when it ended. I felt like I had a hole. I finally got a new car, but id be crying in it missing him. We trauma bonded. Then my male friend tried raping me. My friends backstabbed me. I tried dating again off and on and just kept feeling hurt and disappointed.

Then I left my hometown, where I had all the memories of me and my ex. I went to the other side of the country, started a new job with a new car, new apartment. My life went from shades of gray to vivid color. I became happy and finally felt peace again. I started making some friends and explored new places and foods. I cooked, I hustled, I worked out, I loved my job. Slowly I'd hear the song he used to play or see someone driving the same model of car he had and it stopped bothering me. I started enjoying the songs and the cars looked like all the others on the road. I also realized a lot about myself and realized who really did love and care about me in that time. Then my apartment flooded and I moved home. I hungout a lot with my grandparents and sister. Started visiting grandparents often , helping them out, and sitting and watching TV with them. Same with my sister. When I did come home and id drive past places with old memories it stopped hurting. I started going and hanging out at the ones I liked with my family or my one good friend. Now when I'm there I have happy memories.

If an old photo or memories of him does come back now I usually just smile. I was happy for a while. I also smile because I know i dodged a bullet. The town he wanted to move to was awful, I drove through it on the way to my new place. Hes cheating on his fiance. He proposed to her with an Easter egg. Word got around he was smoking pot and used her for a greencard.

Its a process but you'll get there. Own your feelings. Grieve and go out. It takes time.

kind_red · 2020-09-09T16:16:38+00:00

“He didn’t have a plan after graduation and I felt sad bc he told me i was his future but i felt like there was no action behind that. I wanted him to create his plan while he moved away for uni.”

This sentence stands out a lot to me. Seems to me you were his plan for after he graduated- meaning that you were going to be his income, his place to stay, etc. etc. You deserve better than that. You should not have to ask your s/o to get their future together. Keep your head high and work on leveling up, and it will get better! I remember how hard it was to break up with the person who was my first, too. But if I had stayed I’d still be begging for him to get a job or five minutes of attention. And if I’m not mistaken, virginity originally also applied to those who were abstinent for a longer period of time. Please take care of yourself, you deserve it.

Eat_Pant_b0ss · 2020-09-09T15:46:38+00:00

The way that you feel is 100% okay. We've all been there and im so sorry you're hurting. It's so weird to see someone do things they promised they'd never do or leave when you have so much history together. You wonder how it's possible they aren't feeling the same pain and how it's possible this person could end up with anyone but you. It SUCKS.

All i can say is that it's okay to grieve, EVEN for people who aren't worth it. Grieving is about you and your feelings, not him. Take your time and process this. It will pass and in the future you'll barely remember him and how much this hurt. We're here for you!

Plants_haveprotein · 2020-09-09T18:12:04+00:00

This is a completely normal response to heartbreak, it can make you physically ill 😞 I know you can’t see it right now, but give it some time and you will heal and move on. You’ll be able to look back and see that you wouldn’t have wanted to be with someone who didn’t truly love you anyways. Reach out to family and friends for some support as you go through this.

2020-09-09T17:08:21+00:00

See sis, this will only be a learning experience for you. Things are not like the old times anymore when your first guy will be your last. Life has improve and so much are your choices.

It would be happier if we were to find that one guy in our lifetime ain't it? But things have changed, and so are men. The less responsibilities that they could take and have the life of their own, the more they will go for that, only us women are conditioned to be this woman who waits, no matter what his man will do because life ain't about fairy tales and movies from disney channel that we watched long time ago.

That will hurt, because you have put so much on your first on that guy, but the way things are now it almost just don't matter. People move on and life still continues, even if sometimes you think about the past.

Sometimes, you will think about the good times you spent together, but as you mature you will see how many not-so-good things that happened as well.

Consider this event in your life as an eye opening experience, but let it be known that you should give up on yourself, rather GIVE MORE TO YOURSELF.

All people around you have known what is up with him and you, even when you were in a relationship with him. So don't even regret blocking them all out. It's either they want you to notice it yourself than them telling on you, because some girls I knew even forced themselves in the relationship as the guy's parents told her no.

It will really take time, but always remember that all the experience and consequences that you will take will be yours and yours alone.

debbiechongo · 2020-09-09T18:17:18+00:00

I’m so sorry, it really hurts. It’s physically painful.

It can hurt and also be the best thing you ever do for yourself. It can hurt and still be a powerful act of self love. You deserve better. And you will get better, you’re so young, I wish I found FDS when I was 22.

Noemie_Mathilde · 2020-09-10T07:20:31+00:00

Stay strong. You'll get through this.

Keep yourself happy and distracted. Buy yourself treats.

Title	Just need to vent
Author	Mediocre_Situation
Upvotes	60
Comments	24
Date	September 9, 2020 1:12 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/ipfme0/just_need_to_vent/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/just-need-to-vent.231683 https://theredarchive.com/post/231683

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