Like everyone else I’ve been reading and seeing the news stories about Gabby Petito everywhere. Yes, we hope she’s found. Yes, whoever was affiliated or involved in her disappearance (that fiancé 👀) should be brought to justice. No, we shouldn’t victim blame. But…we should be consistent.

There are ladies who come to this sub for advice in less precarious situations and we tell them to boss up, sometimes in a harsh tough-love way. There are ladies who come here seeking advice on how to help others stuck in bad cycles and we’ve told them to cut those people off. Screenshots and memes of less serious situations get picked apart repeatedly on here. Yet, this sensationalized story gets a one-sided treatment. We do not know that any altercations they had weren’t mutual, that she wasn’t someone tough to live with or be in a relationship with. We don’t know if she was warned to leave him and stayed anyway. While that doesn’t in any way justify whatever could have happened to her- it gives cause for us to be careful with the narrative being painted, particularly given the usual tone this sub takes towards similar situations.

As a WOC, my thoughts are loaded on the biases at play here. But I’ll be brief and straightforward. Think of how many unprivileged women are in worse situations but never get a single article written or a shred of assistance offered. Ask yourself if you would be as concerned if she wasn’t small or attractive or white. Think of how WOC feel knowing that if it was us the news stories, if any, probably wouldn’t be the same. Maybe this can be more than one kind of lesson to us.