As the title says, I’ve (29F) been taking care of others for pretty much my entire life. Growing up, I was always pressured to take care of (and be an appropriate role model for) my younger brother. By itself, that wouldn’t necessarily be a bad thing...but I was forced to suppress what I wanted if it would mean I couldn’t care for him in some way. If I wasn’t taking care of him, I was expected to be/do better than everyone else to appease my parents, or their friends, or other adults.

Once I moved out of my parents’ home, I ended up in several relationships (not all, but a vast majority) where I would take care of my partner, but not get the same consideration back. I’d subconsciously dim my light so I wouldn’t outshine his...because I was always taught that I’d end up alone if I showed him I didn’t need him.

I’d be worn down. Burnt out. Subconsciously screaming for help. Release. EASE. Anything to not be the only thing keeping the entire house of cards from falling down around my feet.

Now, I have a partner that goes out of his way to ease my load whenever he can. I’m learning that it’s okay (even necessary, sometimes) to consider myself and my well-being first. It’s something I wish I’d learned sooner, but I’m getting some lessons along the way:

1.) Anyone that requires you to dim your light to be in their presence isn’t worthy of your light. You deserve to shine on your own, and the right person (or friends, etc.) will add to that light, not take your brightness as an affront to them.

2.) You are more than what you do for others. At the end of the day, you are so much more than your accomplishments or service - you have a unique set of gifts that are beautiful and worthy, and don’t let anyone tell you differently.

3.) This may be a cliché, but it’s true: you can’t pour from an empty cup. If you spend all your time and energy pouring into others, what do you have left for you? You’re just as important!

Take the time to take the best care of you. You’re worth it, I promise. ❤️